The past month has probably been the most enjoyable shit ever.
Super awesome. Sometimes boring, sometimes tiring. But asdfging awesome.
For the first time in 7 years have I finally relanded on the country I have grown up in - Canada, I have also finally landed in America for the first time in my life.
I don't know why is it awesome. It just is. So nostalgic, so much memories here in canada. I don't wanna forget this place forever. Seeing everyone whom i haven't saw in 7 years, that feeling is just fantastic.
Yeah, I left Canada when I was 9.
9.
Everyone was around my age. And Bam!
College, high school. Everyone is suddenly so old. Its amazing, yet somewhat frightful at the same time.
How did 7 years pass by so fast? It's too fast to be true
And my Canadian English accent is still there, albeit abit... Singapore-ish *gleams*
And then how interesting it is to see every single uncle and aunty who would say something like "oh my god you have grown so much!".
Yeah ikr. Too long, too fast to be true.
I don't know why, but I really love the people here. This is the warm society I have came to love, not the cold and heartless one I have witnessed many times in Singapore and other parts of Asia. Maybe thats because I'm technically an foreigner. Someone brought up among the ang mohs.
I like it that way, actually.
Onto the journey part, I first landed in Vancouver where I stayed in the house of my mum's friend. Her house is humongously HUGE and we had two rooms to ourselves. I had one to hold as my own. During our stay here, we went to various people's houses, people whom I have not seen for the past 7 years.
One of my many childhood friends, Vivian, is this cool dude-ish girl who plays LOL and games alot. Cool huh.
We went to many places and brought back quite a bit of memory. haha.
And then on we went to the side of vancouver at this place called whistler where we stayed for 2 days. Its a rocky mountains sort of place where there was alot alot of snow! It was everywhere. We went onto the skiing resorts and had 2 fruitful days of skiing. It was quite wonderful. Not to mention scary cause I tested out my guts and tried out this super steep mountain slope and almost died. But yeah, no biggie.
From there, we took a plane to Los Angeles where we stayed for another 2 days. There we went to Disneyland on the first day. Man, I really am too old for disneyland. The rides aren't even scary and stuff. The second day we went to holleywood boulevard where we took pictures and visited the homes of stars (or actually just looked from the outside) and entered Madamme Tussauds's Wax Museum and posed with all sorts of stars hahahaha.
From there, we went by car to San Diego, where we visited a really big army vessel, an aircraft carrier in fact. It was super big, and super cool. On the second day we visited sea world and saw animal shows (did I mention that Orca Whales are super cool and I used to love them alot). We also got to ride those super fast and cool rollercoasters. Now thats awesome.
At last, we drove to Las Vegas. And honestly. Its super boring. All that is here are strippers and gamblers. Meh, dunlike.
And here I am now, typing away in this small town in Detroit called Troy. Its quite and nice, even though I'm constantly reminded that detroit is a freaking scary city.
Ps. Just got my klipsch S4i sounds isolation earphones. They rock!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Etched
Morning Canadian morning, 7a.m .
The sun was rising from the brims of the horizon, and the misty morning fog of autumn has slowly started to clear. A new day was to begin. Living in the heart of the forest, the forest ranger was about to start his routine.
Wandering through the forest, the thin, sweet scent of the wild flowers and the slight woody smell of wet tree trunks mixed together gives a jolt towards those who smells it. The birds chirped through the trees, while occasional pecks of woodpecker signals the start of a days work. Down by the lake, the pristine waters are clearer and more still than any mirrors on the market.
A deer nestled near the lake. It was beautiful, serene, yet also oblivious, quietly drinking water from the lake. Slowly savoring the taste of a pure and crystal drink. Who would to know that a hunter was waiting, silently under the cover of the bushes? With a hunting rifle in one hand and a binocular in the other. He see the deer, and aims..
Another beautiful creature gone under the manifestation of human greed. Another life off this planet.
Behind the serene beauty of the forest, bodies of dead animals lay in the darkest parts of the forest. The 'area of death', the locals name it. Excessive human deforestation has taken the life away from these areas.
Branches lay all across the land, dead trunks everywhere. The ground hints a shade of black while earthworms, birds all lay dead on the ground, where vultures are having a good meal on the deceased. The musty smell of death bequeathed a sense of death to those that smelled it. Human cigarettes lay across the soil.
Its hard to be the sole sentient beings on earth. Its even harder to control the innate human desires.
Greed
Lust
Power.
But in the pursuit of greed, the quiet natures and the benefactors of human are slowly harmed by the exact people who believe that they are the ones who are always right, the superior beings.
One day we will eventually harm everything, and leave nothing behind.
Like in science fiction movies, where we have to search for a new planet.
It shouldn't happen
The sun was rising from the brims of the horizon, and the misty morning fog of autumn has slowly started to clear. A new day was to begin. Living in the heart of the forest, the forest ranger was about to start his routine.
Wandering through the forest, the thin, sweet scent of the wild flowers and the slight woody smell of wet tree trunks mixed together gives a jolt towards those who smells it. The birds chirped through the trees, while occasional pecks of woodpecker signals the start of a days work. Down by the lake, the pristine waters are clearer and more still than any mirrors on the market.
A deer nestled near the lake. It was beautiful, serene, yet also oblivious, quietly drinking water from the lake. Slowly savoring the taste of a pure and crystal drink. Who would to know that a hunter was waiting, silently under the cover of the bushes? With a hunting rifle in one hand and a binocular in the other. He see the deer, and aims..
Another beautiful creature gone under the manifestation of human greed. Another life off this planet.
Behind the serene beauty of the forest, bodies of dead animals lay in the darkest parts of the forest. The 'area of death', the locals name it. Excessive human deforestation has taken the life away from these areas.
Branches lay all across the land, dead trunks everywhere. The ground hints a shade of black while earthworms, birds all lay dead on the ground, where vultures are having a good meal on the deceased. The musty smell of death bequeathed a sense of death to those that smelled it. Human cigarettes lay across the soil.
Its hard to be the sole sentient beings on earth. Its even harder to control the innate human desires.
Greed
Lust
Power.
But in the pursuit of greed, the quiet natures and the benefactors of human are slowly harmed by the exact people who believe that they are the ones who are always right, the superior beings.
One day we will eventually harm everything, and leave nothing behind.
Like in science fiction movies, where we have to search for a new planet.
It shouldn't happen
Friday, November 16, 2012
Aftermath
So a few days after that event I feel as if I've lost my attachment towards you. Maybe thats how fast guys move away from such things, I don't know. But well. I feel indifferent towards what you say now.
It isn't a good thing, but its the truth. You might be someone important, but you haven't changed my life. Thats the difference. But don't get me wrong. No matter what, I would rather have a friend, than to have a foe. I would like you to think harder possibly. I don't know.
You have your friends. I have mine.
In the span of one week, I have already made close to 4 friends. New friends. They are really nice people who share my interests, but it doesn't mean that they are people who can understand my plight.
So what have you been doing? Tugging at the past? Pondering over whether to look past an incident like what a normal girl would do? Or just trying to be optimistic and act like you don't need me as a friend?
I don't know. Do I care?
Maybe.
And no matter what, I've tried my best to stitch the wounds together. Its rough, but I don't know if the wound will heal. Thats up to you to decide. I've used up all my efforts and I know I can't do anything anymore.
And wanna know something? I actually feel indifferent cause I know I got nothing to worry about. Sounds weird huh. But I have this sense that you will eventually come back to your sense regarding this. You aren't a mean person. You are a person who forgives and cherishes friendship. And you won't give this up easily. So I'm gonna give you all the space you need.
But it would have been great it if was during a time where I'm not bored. I need someone to talk to me and keep me entertained :/
Sigh a good book shall suffice then...
On a side note, I'm really really really looking forward to commencement dinner! Looking at all the guys in suits and stuff would be...cool.
3 blogposts on this friendship means I cherish it. Hope you realize that.
It isn't a good thing, but its the truth. You might be someone important, but you haven't changed my life. Thats the difference. But don't get me wrong. No matter what, I would rather have a friend, than to have a foe. I would like you to think harder possibly. I don't know.
You have your friends. I have mine.
In the span of one week, I have already made close to 4 friends. New friends. They are really nice people who share my interests, but it doesn't mean that they are people who can understand my plight.
So what have you been doing? Tugging at the past? Pondering over whether to look past an incident like what a normal girl would do? Or just trying to be optimistic and act like you don't need me as a friend?
I don't know. Do I care?
Maybe.
And no matter what, I've tried my best to stitch the wounds together. Its rough, but I don't know if the wound will heal. Thats up to you to decide. I've used up all my efforts and I know I can't do anything anymore.
And wanna know something? I actually feel indifferent cause I know I got nothing to worry about. Sounds weird huh. But I have this sense that you will eventually come back to your sense regarding this. You aren't a mean person. You are a person who forgives and cherishes friendship. And you won't give this up easily. So I'm gonna give you all the space you need.
But it would have been great it if was during a time where I'm not bored. I need someone to talk to me and keep me entertained :/
Sigh a good book shall suffice then...
On a side note, I'm really really really looking forward to commencement dinner! Looking at all the guys in suits and stuff would be...cool.
3 blogposts on this friendship means I cherish it. Hope you realize that.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Family
I never had a best friend.
You were never my best friend because I regarded you as a sister.
I regarded you as my family.
Do you feel the same way?
Maybe sometimes when you have your family around for too long, you will grow tired of them, you will start becoming irritated with them. But you know what.
At the end of the day.
We are still family
And that won't change.
I hope you can realize that, and that is what you need the time for. That in your life I'm also someone you need.
I had new friends, I had new companions. I had a new life with new people and you were sad that I were leaving you, that I was becoming colder towards you.
But this time round its you who has found new friends, i guess.
Do you still remember the note you gave me on my birthday?
Telling me that you're always there for me? Telling me that I would always have you when I have problems.
I hope you dont forget that. When you have things on, you can count on me too.
I might be dotaing whole day, I might be neglecting you, but our friendship never changed.
I have never changed.
Your note that you gave me during my birthday is still in my wallet. Constantly reminding me of the people I can't lose in my life.
So is it time that you become the one abandoning me?
Time will tell.
Hope you still are the sister I love. And i'll always be your brother
You were never my best friend because I regarded you as a sister.
I regarded you as my family.
Do you feel the same way?
Maybe sometimes when you have your family around for too long, you will grow tired of them, you will start becoming irritated with them. But you know what.
At the end of the day.
We are still family
And that won't change.
I hope you can realize that, and that is what you need the time for. That in your life I'm also someone you need.
I had new friends, I had new companions. I had a new life with new people and you were sad that I were leaving you, that I was becoming colder towards you.
But this time round its you who has found new friends, i guess.
Do you still remember the note you gave me on my birthday?
Telling me that you're always there for me? Telling me that I would always have you when I have problems.
I hope you dont forget that. When you have things on, you can count on me too.
I might be dotaing whole day, I might be neglecting you, but our friendship never changed.
I have never changed.
Your note that you gave me during my birthday is still in my wallet. Constantly reminding me of the people I can't lose in my life.
So is it time that you become the one abandoning me?
Time will tell.
Hope you still are the sister I love. And i'll always be your brother
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Mixed
I don't have a single idea what the fuck is wrong with me.
What the fuck have I been doing recently.
Oh what cursed luck do I have to have such a fortune. But I guess.. its all my fault.
Stubborn, egotistical, rigid.
But you know what. I guess all of you aren't backing down either.
Thinking back, most of it was my fault, but was it all my fault?
Overreaction, it kills. I dont know what to say. A collision of the stubborn forces, a collision of those who don't wish to back down.
And you know what. I'm tired, really really really tired. What am I tired about? Being a stubborn prick who refuses to back down.
Yet I always hold this thread of hope that you all would back down first.
Would you all back down, please?
Please?
.... pretty please?
Recently I've been stingy, irritable, and a pain in the ass. But what else can I do.
My life isn't made easy.
It wasn't easy at all.
Day to day i'm troubled and irritated. Its times like this that sometimes I would rather just..
die.
Or go away to somewhere far away from all the bullshit this world has thrown at me.
I am tired.
I am tired of harming everyone.
And I feel like shit everytime I do it.
Say first, regret later.
Well you know what. I regret like shit. But I know everything had to go that way, and I won't change it.
2 very close friends.
one that I consider my best friend.
People i knew, hurt them more than it hurts me.
But I also know I am hurting alot.
Very much.
But how so now?
Tired of the reparations too.
Tired of the apologies
Tired of making it up and saying everything the appease the latter just because I can't afford to lose them
But I know if i don't ...
sigh.
I dont know what to do now.
What the fuck have I been doing recently.
Oh what cursed luck do I have to have such a fortune. But I guess.. its all my fault.
Stubborn, egotistical, rigid.
But you know what. I guess all of you aren't backing down either.
Thinking back, most of it was my fault, but was it all my fault?
Overreaction, it kills. I dont know what to say. A collision of the stubborn forces, a collision of those who don't wish to back down.
And you know what. I'm tired, really really really tired. What am I tired about? Being a stubborn prick who refuses to back down.
Yet I always hold this thread of hope that you all would back down first.
Would you all back down, please?
Please?
.... pretty please?
Recently I've been stingy, irritable, and a pain in the ass. But what else can I do.
My life isn't made easy.
It wasn't easy at all.
Day to day i'm troubled and irritated. Its times like this that sometimes I would rather just..
die.
Or go away to somewhere far away from all the bullshit this world has thrown at me.
I am tired.
I am tired of harming everyone.
And I feel like shit everytime I do it.
Say first, regret later.
Well you know what. I regret like shit. But I know everything had to go that way, and I won't change it.
2 very close friends.
one that I consider my best friend.
People i knew, hurt them more than it hurts me.
But I also know I am hurting alot.
Very much.
But how so now?
Tired of the reparations too.
Tired of the apologies
Tired of making it up and saying everything the appease the latter just because I can't afford to lose them
But I know if i don't ...
sigh.
I dont know what to do now.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Directions
Tomorrow I'll know the results that will seal my fate. I hope it'll be what I hope though.
Its been a very very long time since I posted, guess I was really, really busy.
Eoys are over, but I feel so empty again. Like Its not even boredom but this shallow, hollow feeling of apprehension and fear that I might get kicked out of the school and never see my friends again. That bad. I worked hard this time round other than the occasional dota matches inbetween, but, is this all I'm worth? I have no Idea. Tomorrow I'll have my resolve come to fruition, or see my work collapse infront of me. Sad.
I don't see myself in anything other than a hwa chong uniform. Hope thats the case.
For the past 2 month it has been really really tiring. I've been escaping, studying and even worrying. Another year is coming to an end. 4 years in Hwa Chong institution and I'm (possible I REALLY REALLY HOPE SO) crossing over to Hwa Chong JC soon. Time flies.
I still remember the time when I first stepped into the school, the majestic grandeur of the campus and the vast greenery that captured my attention. This was the school thats going to be my alma mater. I don't regret any of the moments inside this school. Inside this school, I made many many wonderful friends, many "brothers" and people who share the same interests as me. I have learnt many new social skills, from being the kid who was not liked in secondary 1, to the kid who is .... decently well in secondary 4. Time passed too fast.
I hope I can see all my classmates in JC next year. I hope I can go JC next year. Hope
Its been a very very long time since I posted, guess I was really, really busy.
Eoys are over, but I feel so empty again. Like Its not even boredom but this shallow, hollow feeling of apprehension and fear that I might get kicked out of the school and never see my friends again. That bad. I worked hard this time round other than the occasional dota matches inbetween, but, is this all I'm worth? I have no Idea. Tomorrow I'll have my resolve come to fruition, or see my work collapse infront of me. Sad.
I don't see myself in anything other than a hwa chong uniform. Hope thats the case.
For the past 2 month it has been really really tiring. I've been escaping, studying and even worrying. Another year is coming to an end. 4 years in Hwa Chong institution and I'm (possible I REALLY REALLY HOPE SO) crossing over to Hwa Chong JC soon. Time flies.
I still remember the time when I first stepped into the school, the majestic grandeur of the campus and the vast greenery that captured my attention. This was the school thats going to be my alma mater. I don't regret any of the moments inside this school. Inside this school, I made many many wonderful friends, many "brothers" and people who share the same interests as me. I have learnt many new social skills, from being the kid who was not liked in secondary 1, to the kid who is .... decently well in secondary 4. Time passed too fast.
I hope I can see all my classmates in JC next year. I hope I can go JC next year. Hope
Sunday, September 16, 2012
One of those philosophical posts
Haven't been blogging recently cause I was really really busy... yeah. I mean I have been diligently studying and stuff.
Since I watched the cloud atlas trailer yesterday, thought I'll say something about it.
I always had this similar perception (sort of) of dimensional reality. I believe in alot of things, I think about alot of things. I believe that we are living in a dimension, and there are many other dimensions that are exactly the same, get it? A span of "time" dimensions where every second, minute, is spread out as another dimension with each other. Ok, our dimension starts with one time frame, and it continues till .. time ends. But maybe in another dimension it is in the time frame of 500 years ago with many different people. Another dimension might be 2 days later.
This brings back the essence of time travel. Time travel in my opinion is not a mere travel of time and moments, but rather a travel of time dimensions towards another dimensional slot. Time travel hasn't existed yet, and I'm not sure when it will exist.
Back to cloud atlas.
Its addressing the idea of time dimensions. Or so I think. It addresses the idea of a parallel presentation of different time frames, as well as the idea of a hereditary will of spirit? It seems to hint at the possibility that one's life is repetitive.. like the spirit of the person goes into another body following his/hers death. Lastly, there is a last idea: the scripted actions of life.
The last one is the one I don't agree with the most. It hints at how the people tend to commit the same thing and same problems as the people they were in their past life, and it cannot be changed. Is that so? I don't believe in reincarnation, and neither do I believe that life is a cycle of the past. I don't have a definite proof of course, but this is what I feel
Since I watched the cloud atlas trailer yesterday, thought I'll say something about it.
I always had this similar perception (sort of) of dimensional reality. I believe in alot of things, I think about alot of things. I believe that we are living in a dimension, and there are many other dimensions that are exactly the same, get it? A span of "time" dimensions where every second, minute, is spread out as another dimension with each other. Ok, our dimension starts with one time frame, and it continues till .. time ends. But maybe in another dimension it is in the time frame of 500 years ago with many different people. Another dimension might be 2 days later.
This brings back the essence of time travel. Time travel in my opinion is not a mere travel of time and moments, but rather a travel of time dimensions towards another dimensional slot. Time travel hasn't existed yet, and I'm not sure when it will exist.
Back to cloud atlas.
Its addressing the idea of time dimensions. Or so I think. It addresses the idea of a parallel presentation of different time frames, as well as the idea of a hereditary will of spirit? It seems to hint at the possibility that one's life is repetitive.. like the spirit of the person goes into another body following his/hers death. Lastly, there is a last idea: the scripted actions of life.
The last one is the one I don't agree with the most. It hints at how the people tend to commit the same thing and same problems as the people they were in their past life, and it cannot be changed. Is that so? I don't believe in reincarnation, and neither do I believe that life is a cycle of the past. I don't have a definite proof of course, but this is what I feel
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
12 minutes to Midnight
The bell rang shrilly,
Down the road we go
The grimy sides are dirty,
But still we go.
12 minutes to midnight,
the owls hoot,
the leaves rustle,
And I walk down that road,
To that place I hope to find,
place of endless hopes,
salvage what I've lost,
seek the fortunes.
12 minutes to midnight,
the moon over me,
images in the lakes,
and further down the road I go.
Time is naught I'm almost there,
reaching soon,
to find whats fair,
below the moon
Midnight strikes, the bell chimes
Upon the gravestone I find,
My hopes and dreams,
Dead in my mind.
Next time when I go
down that long road,
I'll leave for it
before sunset.
Down the road we go
The grimy sides are dirty,
But still we go.
12 minutes to midnight,
the owls hoot,
the leaves rustle,
And I walk down that road,
To that place I hope to find,
place of endless hopes,
salvage what I've lost,
seek the fortunes.
12 minutes to midnight,
the moon over me,
images in the lakes,
and further down the road I go.
Time is naught I'm almost there,
reaching soon,
to find whats fair,
below the moon
Midnight strikes, the bell chimes
Upon the gravestone I find,
My hopes and dreams,
Dead in my mind.
Next time when I go
down that long road,
I'll leave for it
before sunset.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Events
Well, I made that stupid move today.
Its too early to make that move, I swore after EOY.
After EOY it shall be then
Its too early to make that move, I swore after EOY.
After EOY it shall be then
Monday, August 20, 2012
Soccer :D
So, instead of something dreary and emo I'm gonna talk about soccer today haha!
On saturday, I went all the way to BOON LAY (I stay in Bedok btw) to play soccer with Jeremy Ee and Eugene Pang they all. Actually in fact I don't know them very well... but then they are the best players in the school haha. Yes, they are the BEST in the school, and it was a really big supposed "honor" to play keeper for them.
Thankfully, I didn't let them down. I mean, it took me quite a while to establish myself as one of the best keepers in the school. Not trying to brag or anything, but yeah ask anyone and they would know me by my keeping standards.. I hope. Anyway I made many clean saves today which I was really, really proud of. I didn't spill the ball and had a firm grip which I was really happy. On top of that, there were 2 penalties awarded to the opponent that day, but I stepped up to the occasion and saved both penalties!! I mean, the ball was slightly straight but I think for my 2nd field appearance I played really really really well, and I was happy. I let in a goal on judgement error, but that could be improved on :D
THEN AGIAN >( I LOST MY KNEEGUARD WHEN RUNNING TO THE FIELD ARGH ASDFGH SIAN IT WAS A NIKE KNEE GUARD AND WAS QUITE EXPENSIVE :'(
Onto my second point...
This weekend marked the start of the EPL season :) The starting day saw many many interesting scorelines... Liverpool lost 3-0 to west Brom... Fulham 5-0 Norwich.. Swansea 5-0 QPR... none of them was expected. And this is why soccer is so interesting.
Chelsea was ok.. they had a strong start, finishing 2-0 against Wigan but honestly, they could have done much much better.
Oh well, hope to see Hazard and Oscar shine!
Cheers :D
On saturday, I went all the way to BOON LAY (I stay in Bedok btw) to play soccer with Jeremy Ee and Eugene Pang they all. Actually in fact I don't know them very well... but then they are the best players in the school haha. Yes, they are the BEST in the school, and it was a really big supposed "honor" to play keeper for them.
Thankfully, I didn't let them down. I mean, it took me quite a while to establish myself as one of the best keepers in the school. Not trying to brag or anything, but yeah ask anyone and they would know me by my keeping standards.. I hope. Anyway I made many clean saves today which I was really, really proud of. I didn't spill the ball and had a firm grip which I was really happy. On top of that, there were 2 penalties awarded to the opponent that day, but I stepped up to the occasion and saved both penalties!! I mean, the ball was slightly straight but I think for my 2nd field appearance I played really really really well, and I was happy. I let in a goal on judgement error, but that could be improved on :D
THEN AGIAN >( I LOST MY KNEEGUARD WHEN RUNNING TO THE FIELD ARGH ASDFGH SIAN IT WAS A NIKE KNEE GUARD AND WAS QUITE EXPENSIVE :'(
Onto my second point...
This weekend marked the start of the EPL season :) The starting day saw many many interesting scorelines... Liverpool lost 3-0 to west Brom... Fulham 5-0 Norwich.. Swansea 5-0 QPR... none of them was expected. And this is why soccer is so interesting.
Chelsea was ok.. they had a strong start, finishing 2-0 against Wigan but honestly, they could have done much much better.
Oh well, hope to see Hazard and Oscar shine!
Cheers :D
Monday, August 13, 2012
._.
Why did chelsea lose the community shield T.T
I damn sad alr lah :(
But haha I think I'm quite screwed leh soccer makes me sadder than anything else. Including people sometimes ._.
Anyway idk why my blog views has been spiking up for the past few days.
Theory 1) Royanne, Erin and Akira are spam reading this blog as I speak
Theory 2) There are random stalkers on the internet
Oh scary ._.
I damn sad alr lah :(
But haha I think I'm quite screwed leh soccer makes me sadder than anything else. Including people sometimes ._.
Anyway idk why my blog views has been spiking up for the past few days.
Theory 1) Royanne, Erin and Akira are spam reading this blog as I speak
Theory 2) There are random stalkers on the internet
Oh scary ._.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Clues?
It took me this long to realize that I'm a really emotionally attached person.
I just can't bear seeing people hurt and sad...
Emotionally pained..
scarred.
It's really painful for me to watch my friends go about in anguish and talking about how they wanna die.
Don't die.
Life is worth living.
"Convince me, that life is worth living"
and honestly, I can't convince you. I haven't found my purpose in my life.
When will I find it? I have no clue too.
So, for the past 8 months, I have duly operated this blog, poured my heart into it. What was the reason I made this blog? I think it was because you had a blog. And I felt that this was the place for me to pour my heart into.
I used to have many avenues to pour my heart into. One of them is gone.
This is one I mustn't lose.
Sometimes, I really hoped that I was cold, like then I won't be able to care and give a shit about other people.. like honestly. I don't give a fuck.
IDGAF.
But nope, I can never do that. I won't stop caring for my friends, I won't stop being the friend I want myself to be.
I saw Yee Hong today.. after so, so long. I really missed him... my best friend.. the idiot who knows everything about me.
I really hope he can work hard and come back to Hwa Chong, I wanna spend more time chatting with him and doing all sorts of retarded shit again with him.
He is my bestest friend forever, and I think I owe him too much and I should repay him in one way or another.
Best friend forever.
I just can't bear seeing people hurt and sad...
Emotionally pained..
scarred.
It's really painful for me to watch my friends go about in anguish and talking about how they wanna die.
Don't die.
Life is worth living.
"Convince me, that life is worth living"
and honestly, I can't convince you. I haven't found my purpose in my life.
When will I find it? I have no clue too.
So, for the past 8 months, I have duly operated this blog, poured my heart into it. What was the reason I made this blog? I think it was because you had a blog. And I felt that this was the place for me to pour my heart into.
I used to have many avenues to pour my heart into. One of them is gone.
This is one I mustn't lose.
Sometimes, I really hoped that I was cold, like then I won't be able to care and give a shit about other people.. like honestly. I don't give a fuck.
IDGAF.
But nope, I can never do that. I won't stop caring for my friends, I won't stop being the friend I want myself to be.
I saw Yee Hong today.. after so, so long. I really missed him... my best friend.. the idiot who knows everything about me.
I really hope he can work hard and come back to Hwa Chong, I wanna spend more time chatting with him and doing all sorts of retarded shit again with him.
He is my bestest friend forever, and I think I owe him too much and I should repay him in one way or another.
Best friend forever.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Good day :)
Today was a slack and enjoyable day haha.
Thanks Royanne and Erin for the wonderful day today! We had lunch and then watched total recall! Had fun and even though Erin didn't talk much, you should have talked more >(
Haha total recall was not bad, its futuristic settings are really nice. I really like sci-fi movies and mindeff movies. I guess it was both xD
The movie got me realllllllyyyy thinking. Maybe one day I'll wake up from this dream, to find myself among people who I don't know. Then they will tell me that I was in a coma for XXX years... the life that I "lived" was fabricated and fake. Wow. That would be something interesting. I remember the yu-gi-oh episode I watched long long ago, where Kaiba's step brother was trapped in this alternate universe, where he thought everyone was real, but in the end they were only humanoid robots who were there to create the illusion of a life.
Maybe.. just maybe... my life is a lie? Everyone is a fabricated illusion? Thats something interesting.
But I won't be able to stand it. These people in my life now are the ones who matter to me. Those wonderful friends I have.
Im not emo or sad anymore. 1 day is enough ok!
I'm over all of these and am gonna go ahead with my life :D
Thanks Royanne and Erin for the wonderful day today! We had lunch and then watched total recall! Had fun and even though Erin didn't talk much, you should have talked more >(
Haha total recall was not bad, its futuristic settings are really nice. I really like sci-fi movies and mindeff movies. I guess it was both xD
The movie got me realllllllyyyy thinking. Maybe one day I'll wake up from this dream, to find myself among people who I don't know. Then they will tell me that I was in a coma for XXX years... the life that I "lived" was fabricated and fake. Wow. That would be something interesting. I remember the yu-gi-oh episode I watched long long ago, where Kaiba's step brother was trapped in this alternate universe, where he thought everyone was real, but in the end they were only humanoid robots who were there to create the illusion of a life.
Maybe.. just maybe... my life is a lie? Everyone is a fabricated illusion? Thats something interesting.
But I won't be able to stand it. These people in my life now are the ones who matter to me. Those wonderful friends I have.
Im not emo or sad anymore. 1 day is enough ok!
I'm over all of these and am gonna go ahead with my life :D
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Oh well
So I get this feeling again. Once every year. Is it a curse? Ir seems as if I got used to it. I'm used to this pain. I'm numb to this pain now.
In sec 1 I was naive, in sec 2 I was hopeful. In sec 3 I was broken. Sec 4 I'm cold. I can't believe how 4 years of school has changed me. How I used to be so enthusiastic and interested in everything. How I got myself broken again and again by the people I cherish. Failure haunts me. How hurt every single time I care for a friend, yet get my concern brushed away and taken lightly... Really hurts me.
Maybe I should have stayed in Canada. There everyone cares for each other. I can tell my friend what I feel. We all care for each other.
Singapore is a cold society. No one gives a shit about my feelings. No one gives a shit about anyone's feeling. I am becoming cold, I am becoming heartless. I am becomming to heartless and cold, to the extent that people who do not know me well think that I'm dao, that I'm cold. That I don't care.
I do.
And why do I care so much about you then? You have mistaken me. I am not as inquisitive as you think. Maybe it's only you who I am inquisitive to. You are the on who I entered into your life and felt that you were someone who hid many problems in your heart. You had so many problems that you werent willing to share with. I felt that I could be someone who could make your day better, make you happier.
Again, I have no clue again. No more clue. I'm a failure as a friend. I'm sorry
Monday, August 6, 2012
Interlinking
Physics D: Haish. Dont wanna talk about it.
Its so weird how people can influence each other. I seem to be so negatively influenced and positively influenced all the time. And then, I influence people.
But sometimes, is the influence too much? That whatever someone else does influences me and changes my emotion? And the same for me, how my anger can go ahead to affect so many people? D: I don't know. Hmm
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Resolve?
I dont know what to feel about that comment.
Dilemmas, dilemmas, go away and leave me.
It might have seemed casual, but it really made me think.
Probably its time I relinquish all those stupid childish desires of mine, all my emotions and just leave everything and concentrate on what I'm supposed to concentrate on now.
I have no idea what that was supposed to me, and that feels really complicated.
No idea whatsoever. Now is not the time to feel like shit. I have loads of tests hurling over me and chocking me to death. I ought to give up. Won't that be what you want?
Probably that will loaden my load. I'll finally be happy like in term one again. Stupid me, making that mistake in january. I kinda regret it, yet I am also very happy cause of it. Ugh.
Dilemmas, dilemmas, go away and leave me.
Je t'aime.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Monochromatic
Went to the STAR concert yesterday! It was awesome! Boys like girls and 4minute totally rocked the stage! A wonderful night indeed.
Then onto the main point. I think, there's nothing more than friendship. I'll be stupid to pursue beyond, but I'll be even more stupid to not pursue it.
Actually, I have my problems too, and sometimes I just feel so damn lonely. I don't wanna tell anyone my problems. Not Wise, not bao, not Jen. No one actually. I don't know why. Jen has her exams. And I just don't feel like trusting Wise right now.
Sad, but true.
I need to do well in my academics. I swore. I'm gonna be up to your standard. You just wait.
Then onto the main point. I think, there's nothing more than friendship. I'll be stupid to pursue beyond, but I'll be even more stupid to not pursue it.
Actually, I have my problems too, and sometimes I just feel so damn lonely. I don't wanna tell anyone my problems. Not Wise, not bao, not Jen. No one actually. I don't know why. Jen has her exams. And I just don't feel like trusting Wise right now.
Sad, but true.
I need to do well in my academics. I swore. I'm gonna be up to your standard. You just wait.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Resolve
I've always been an unstable person in terms of emotions.
One moment I can feel like shit, the next I'm smiling. But that rarely happens.
Most of the time, its when I'm smiling that I suddenly feel like shit. And I don't smile after that for quite a while.
I'm affected alot by those I'm close with, I realized. When one of my good friends become emo or sad, I become emo and sad too. It isn't a good thing sometimes. I might be too affected by the way people see me. Too affected by the judgments of others. Too conscious over my actions. Then I remembered, what Grace said before "why bother so much about other people?"
Yep, I won't.
I'm somehow trying to detach myself more and more from human feelings. Not giving a damn anymore.
It might be peculiar of me , but whenever someone doesnt reply me, whenever someone says something mean to me, whenever someone becomes sad, I get distracted and just stop and think. What happened, what was wrong, what did I do probably?
Sometimes I really am super glad I'm in a boys school. No girls has made my life so much easier. Girls aren't like boys at all. Guys have direct conflicts, but girls talk behind your backs most of the time. I would rather be confronted directly.
Don't get me wrong. I have friends who are girls who I absolutely love talking to, love chatting with.
So yeah, I think its those kind of problems with me being too sensitive sometimes which makes me so inefficient, so often distracted. If I were to be able to detract myself from this world, and just focus. I might be able to do much better.
Aish
One moment I can feel like shit, the next I'm smiling. But that rarely happens.
Most of the time, its when I'm smiling that I suddenly feel like shit. And I don't smile after that for quite a while.
I'm affected alot by those I'm close with, I realized. When one of my good friends become emo or sad, I become emo and sad too. It isn't a good thing sometimes. I might be too affected by the way people see me. Too affected by the judgments of others. Too conscious over my actions. Then I remembered, what Grace said before "why bother so much about other people?"
Yep, I won't.
I'm somehow trying to detach myself more and more from human feelings. Not giving a damn anymore.
It might be peculiar of me , but whenever someone doesnt reply me, whenever someone says something mean to me, whenever someone becomes sad, I get distracted and just stop and think. What happened, what was wrong, what did I do probably?
Sometimes I really am super glad I'm in a boys school. No girls has made my life so much easier. Girls aren't like boys at all. Guys have direct conflicts, but girls talk behind your backs most of the time. I would rather be confronted directly.
Don't get me wrong. I have friends who are girls who I absolutely love talking to, love chatting with.
So yeah, I think its those kind of problems with me being too sensitive sometimes which makes me so inefficient, so often distracted. If I were to be able to detract myself from this world, and just focus. I might be able to do much better.
Aish
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Remember your humanity
Momento mori
All death will come, sooner or later.
No one is spared, and can never be spared.
Remember your humanity.
Remember what you're living for.
So carpe diem, seize the day, do what's worth living. Not something everything wants you to do. Don't conform to the society, don't be the slave of judgement, be yourself.
'Even if I die... I wanna die as myself, not just a slave of the capital'
-Peeta Mellark, the hunger games.
I would rather travel around the world, experience everything this world has to offer rather than be rich. I would rather extract from the sweet knowledge of the humanities, than to engage in the destruction of the Earth for the money.
Happiness is what everyone desire, but few achieve
I would rather be happy than rich. I would rather be with the one I love than to be cooped up in a filthy mansion, forever alone.
Happiness is something I wanna achieve, I wanna share with the ones I love.
Wealth, power, fame were never what I desired.
All I need is enough to support myself and those I love in the future. Food on the table, clothes in the wardrobe, enough to pay for the bills and some luxuries, but not enough to make me filthy rich.
Have you ever been tired of studying? Have you every felt the futility of life, the subtle hints of fatigue in your daily life? The ever present stress on your life as you struggle through every single day, and heave a sigh of relief only when you collapse onto your bed? As you retrieve into your own dreamland where the your fantastical explorations and adventures leaves you ever the more tired in the present time?
Welcome to life.
Welcome to the life of a student.
Welcome to the life of a Singaporean student.
Anyone who has questioned the meaning of life would have thought about achieving happiness.
We spend our time studying, achieving, and conforming with the society. We try to do all we can to achieve the definition of success by our society. Our 5C's, a definitive gauge of how successful we are.
But no, nothing gauges our happiness.
Singapore might be one of the richest country in the world, but it is in the bottom few when it came to the happiness of the people.
Stress, constant success, SOCIETY all dictates us.
We aren't happy.
We should start being happy though
All death will come, sooner or later.
No one is spared, and can never be spared.
Remember your humanity.
Remember what you're living for.
So carpe diem, seize the day, do what's worth living. Not something everything wants you to do. Don't conform to the society, don't be the slave of judgement, be yourself.
'Even if I die... I wanna die as myself, not just a slave of the capital'
-Peeta Mellark, the hunger games.
I would rather travel around the world, experience everything this world has to offer rather than be rich. I would rather extract from the sweet knowledge of the humanities, than to engage in the destruction of the Earth for the money.
Happiness is what everyone desire, but few achieve
I would rather be happy than rich. I would rather be with the one I love than to be cooped up in a filthy mansion, forever alone.
Happiness is something I wanna achieve, I wanna share with the ones I love.
Wealth, power, fame were never what I desired.
All I need is enough to support myself and those I love in the future. Food on the table, clothes in the wardrobe, enough to pay for the bills and some luxuries, but not enough to make me filthy rich.
Have you ever been tired of studying? Have you every felt the futility of life, the subtle hints of fatigue in your daily life? The ever present stress on your life as you struggle through every single day, and heave a sigh of relief only when you collapse onto your bed? As you retrieve into your own dreamland where the your fantastical explorations and adventures leaves you ever the more tired in the present time?
Welcome to life.
Welcome to the life of a student.
Welcome to the life of a Singaporean student.
Anyone who has questioned the meaning of life would have thought about achieving happiness.
We spend our time studying, achieving, and conforming with the society. We try to do all we can to achieve the definition of success by our society. Our 5C's, a definitive gauge of how successful we are.
But no, nothing gauges our happiness.
Singapore might be one of the richest country in the world, but it is in the bottom few when it came to the happiness of the people.
Stress, constant success, SOCIETY all dictates us.
We aren't happy.
We should start being happy though
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I seek solace in the quiet whims of the spring
I watched with glee as you struggled with the grim reaper. Soon it was going to be your last breath. Death is too strong, and you can't win him.
"you can't escape me"
I have taken another victim. I've lost count of how many, but yes, another one has joined god in his heavenly realm. What am I? What benign arts do I practice, to instill pain and suffering onto others for the joy of it?
Who said that I'm human. I am not human.
I am merely the essence of death
I am not the grim reaper. I am not death. I merely help death. The servant of death itself. Are you scared of me? Are you scared of my practice, or are you scared of death itself? Death is a scary thing, but it is only the start of a new journey.
Fair is foul, and foul is fair
Death and killing are nothing wrong. I merely do what I think is fair.
Loaded and ready. 1 bullet loaded into the cartridge. Waiting for the perfect timing. Scope aimed at the head.....
BANG
and hes dead. Shot in the head. The president is dead. My first assassination.
My last.
I have stopped. This is no longer fun. The mutilation of the human flesh is what I desire, as threads of flesh are torn off from the arm, as strings of muscles are shredded off from the legs. As the head is slowly cut off from the body. Slowly.... slowly.
Watch as you wake up, gagged up and tied down. I wanna have some.... fun.
Yes.. fun...
Want to play with me? I will make sure you...enjoy it.
Ah, that horror on your face...exhilarating. Wonderful. See as you start crying. You start shouting through your gag. Your eyes are strewn with horror.
I took out your gag, and you start screaming.
"I don't deserve to die!"
Everyone deserves to die. I smile at you, the classic smile of the joker. My fake sincerity must have been detected. Oh well. You'll die soon anyway.
I put your arms inside the furnace.. and I start burning it. That tortured look as you scream out in pain. You beg for me to stop.
NO
I take your arms out. Their burned.. charred. The flesh has torn out, streaks of pink red, burnt muscle could be seen. You can't feel your arms anymore. Your whole mouth is bleeding, as you bit your tongue during the pain.
You start crying. The tears are filled with blood.
Good. Your time is almost up.
I dump your whole body into the furnace. You struggle, but you're not as strong as me.
You cry and scream and beg for me to let you go. You scream like there's no tomorrow.
Haha, there is no tomorrow.
Your screams, your shrieks pierce the air. But slowly, slowly.. the shrieking stops. And everything becomes silent again other than the sound of burning flames.
Victim #204
Rest in peace.
- This is a challenge of a gory post as compared to Ernest's post. I think i failed though
Saturday, June 16, 2012
And In god I trust
I've been really busy so yep havent been blogging!
And apparently my blog seems so sombre and stuff I've decided to make this post...more light hearted :)
The past week has been a blast, really. Starting from the 7th of June, Thursday all the way to Monday I was at camp, operation 纳尼亚! It was a church camp organized by my church, All saints church and held at church (Which is inside AHS - Anglican High School)
Firstly, the camp has been a very strenuous and tiring journey, with games that required alot of sheer determination, strength and willpower just to get through all of it. The games in the afternoon are based like a mini amazing race, and stations are located all around us and we have to do them quickly. Some are time based, so we have to run around and try to finish everything as quick as we can. Yep, and thats why we are so tired.
The night activities were super tiring for the first day, I didn't expect it to be half as tiring cause when I joined in sec 1, the night activities were very mild and not tiring at all.. looks like they decided to change this year. The night activities were based on speed. We were given a marble at the start, and we had to go to the hall and complete the stations located there. One marble can only be used for a single station and upon completion we were given a icecream stick with a word, and then we had to run around the whole compound (parade square, church, concourse) and find people who have a bell and tell them the word. If the word is correct, they will give us another marble let us continue the games. The team which completes the most stations win. Well the hard part was that it was super difficult finding the right person as there were alot of people with bells and then we had to keep darting here and there. But at the end of the day, we strived hard and fought to the end, in the end completing 11/12 stations and came in second among all the 12 groups!
In the day on the first day, the stations were based on scores and timings instead, and we had to try our best to do well and complete the station in the shortest time possible. For this, we managed to probably get first for around 4 out of 8 stations - a feat of course! So we came in first! Go NASA!
Second day was... more different I guess? This time the day games are more like the amazing race. And then at the starting we were given the weird dance to dance, and the house which could dance the thing correctly first are allowed to go first. If I remember correctly voyager went off first, followed by atlantis and then us Lodestar. So technically, we had a very very bad start cause we had at least 10 minutes buffer time between us and voyager. Nonetheless, for the first station, the other houses all used around 10-20 minutes just for the game which was like there was this item put in a black box and you have to guess the item in the box. If you guess wrongly you have to do 100 counts on a pedometer for 1 step forward or something. Luckily for us Donovan saw the item immediately (Which is a lipstick) and we didnt even have to step at all haha. We finished the station in like.. 3 minutes! This time again we were enthusiastic and went on chionging through all the stations, eventually coming in as 4th, overtaking many that were infront of us.
So yep we were in top four for all 3 of the games we played ^^
Anyway fast forwarding... to amazing race! We were waken up at 5.40 with a bloody piece of announcement stuck onto the board and YES YOU CAN GET WHAT KIND OF FEELING I HAD. LIKE WTH THE RACE STARTED THE HECK???
Well in the end we were on of the last ones to leave (cause Bervyn took his time showering we don't blame him) and then we reached the first station which we had to cut stuff (clues) that had our logo. We overtook alot of stations there.. then the second station we overtook more teams hehe and got first. But unfortunately we went on to the chinatown station and got abit lost.. which eventually led to us becoming second. I think at the end of the day there were 7 stations in total. It was quite cool and we finished 4th again.
With that behind, lodestar won the best house! And then NASA won the second best team!
I think at the end of the day. It wasnt only the fun and laughter that mattered so much. It was all about god. Yes, it was all about god. It might be weird, but I think I enjoyed the praise and worship sessions alot. I recall myself letting go of myself, giving in to god. Giving myself to god. The holy spirit was with me. Through this camp I think I have rediscovered god again probably. I have learnt more about him and all he has done for me. I have connected with him. I hope god can be able to continue guiding me, continue helping me each and everyday through everything I do. I thank you god. I love you.
Amen
And apparently my blog seems so sombre and stuff I've decided to make this post...more light hearted :)
The past week has been a blast, really. Starting from the 7th of June, Thursday all the way to Monday I was at camp, operation 纳尼亚! It was a church camp organized by my church, All saints church and held at church (Which is inside AHS - Anglican High School)
Firstly, the camp has been a very strenuous and tiring journey, with games that required alot of sheer determination, strength and willpower just to get through all of it. The games in the afternoon are based like a mini amazing race, and stations are located all around us and we have to do them quickly. Some are time based, so we have to run around and try to finish everything as quick as we can. Yep, and thats why we are so tired.
The night activities were super tiring for the first day, I didn't expect it to be half as tiring cause when I joined in sec 1, the night activities were very mild and not tiring at all.. looks like they decided to change this year. The night activities were based on speed. We were given a marble at the start, and we had to go to the hall and complete the stations located there. One marble can only be used for a single station and upon completion we were given a icecream stick with a word, and then we had to run around the whole compound (parade square, church, concourse) and find people who have a bell and tell them the word. If the word is correct, they will give us another marble let us continue the games. The team which completes the most stations win. Well the hard part was that it was super difficult finding the right person as there were alot of people with bells and then we had to keep darting here and there. But at the end of the day, we strived hard and fought to the end, in the end completing 11/12 stations and came in second among all the 12 groups!
In the day on the first day, the stations were based on scores and timings instead, and we had to try our best to do well and complete the station in the shortest time possible. For this, we managed to probably get first for around 4 out of 8 stations - a feat of course! So we came in first! Go NASA!
Second day was... more different I guess? This time the day games are more like the amazing race. And then at the starting we were given the weird dance to dance, and the house which could dance the thing correctly first are allowed to go first. If I remember correctly voyager went off first, followed by atlantis and then us Lodestar. So technically, we had a very very bad start cause we had at least 10 minutes buffer time between us and voyager. Nonetheless, for the first station, the other houses all used around 10-20 minutes just for the game which was like there was this item put in a black box and you have to guess the item in the box. If you guess wrongly you have to do 100 counts on a pedometer for 1 step forward or something. Luckily for us Donovan saw the item immediately (Which is a lipstick) and we didnt even have to step at all haha. We finished the station in like.. 3 minutes! This time again we were enthusiastic and went on chionging through all the stations, eventually coming in as 4th, overtaking many that were infront of us.
So yep we were in top four for all 3 of the games we played ^^
Anyway fast forwarding... to amazing race! We were waken up at 5.40 with a bloody piece of announcement stuck onto the board and YES YOU CAN GET WHAT KIND OF FEELING I HAD. LIKE WTH THE RACE STARTED THE HECK???
Well in the end we were on of the last ones to leave (cause Bervyn took his time showering we don't blame him) and then we reached the first station which we had to cut stuff (clues) that had our logo. We overtook alot of stations there.. then the second station we overtook more teams hehe and got first. But unfortunately we went on to the chinatown station and got abit lost.. which eventually led to us becoming second. I think at the end of the day there were 7 stations in total. It was quite cool and we finished 4th again.
With that behind, lodestar won the best house! And then NASA won the second best team!
I think at the end of the day. It wasnt only the fun and laughter that mattered so much. It was all about god. Yes, it was all about god. It might be weird, but I think I enjoyed the praise and worship sessions alot. I recall myself letting go of myself, giving in to god. Giving myself to god. The holy spirit was with me. Through this camp I think I have rediscovered god again probably. I have learnt more about him and all he has done for me. I have connected with him. I hope god can be able to continue guiding me, continue helping me each and everyday through everything I do. I thank you god. I love you.
Amen
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
A short novel of sorts.
[Prelude]
I would love to think of myself as a superhero.
Powerful, mighty. Most importantly, capable and strong. A superhero helps others and puts a smile on their faces, even if he himself was suffering; a superhero sacrifices for others.
I would love to be a superhero, the one who puts smile on your faces. But I'm not capable yet.
That wet, mushy April afternoon was the start of my dreams. I saw the evils in this world; I saw the horrors. That first day in a foreign country where everyone was suffering changed me. That day was the day my soul has awaken.
Once again the meaning of life is void. Wealth, prosperity and power are not what we are supposed to live for, we are supposed to be after material wealth. We are supposed to come to this work making a change. I wanted to make a change, and change shall happen.
PS
I dont know how to continue this. Sigh my english sucks
Saturday, June 2, 2012
18th SLC
Another life changing event has passed.
Everything feels surreal you know. Since FAC training number 1, I've been looking forward to 18th SLC. Anticipation, unspoken but felt throughout every single Fac and OT member. It was going to be something big.
And yeah, I could feel it.
SLC was gonna be OUR event. So it was gonna be OUR job to do it well. I honestly think we did a great job.
This journey wasn't all smooth and fluid, it wasn't all tumultuous and rocky either. Rather, a few small bumps in the middle of the road.
Thank god I got out of this with all my friends - both new friends and old ones. I've made so many friends in this journey, and maybe that is one reason I don't want SLC to end.
I think of myself as someone who thinks alot. I remember the night before HRSY, I was thinking to myself in the shower "wouldn't I have fun, have all the fun in the world, and then come back to Singapore and suffer blues? How do I minimize those blues?" So I made a promise to myself, that I wouldn't be emo and depressed over that event. That I wouldn't miss Australia. Or at least try not to.... well sadly I failed and got depressed for a few days.
SLC was the same. I remember lying on my bed the night before SLC "time is gonna pass really fast, would I be so emotional and sad at the end?" I wanted to try and not be so emotional this time round... but I failed again. I think I'm not strong enough yet. But then again.... I don't wanna be strong. I think crying would rather make me release my emotions easier. And I'm happy to cry, cause these are tears of joy.
As a fac, my experience was so different from the 17th SLC, when I was a participant. What I remember first was at the end of 17th SLC, when I swore that I would go as a FAC for the 18th SLC. I remember at the start of this year, I swore to work hard for term one, so that I can go as a FAC for SLC. I remember how sad I was, when I realized that I'll be in Australia during the selection camp, and might not become a FAC. How sad I was then. But then I remember how I was given a chance to go as a FAC when Bao they all offered us a second interview chance. Thank god I was chosen. I hope I didn't disappoint them all.
Ah darn I think I'm really talkative .. I still havent gone to my main point.
4 days of SLC just passed. My life has probably been changed again. I wasn't proud of everything I did during the convention, but fond memories are all that are inside my heart.
Obsidian was a great faculty. They were so closely bonded, so nonsensical and crazy. But it was probably their craze and nonsense which made them so lively and fun to be with. They were all so enthusiastic and fun, that probably made my job easier.
Their "睡觉" chants and their daily dose of nonsense made me love this faculty and all of them. Maybe cause most of them are guys too! 8 guys and 2 girls. And thats probably what made underage sex, our CBA topic, so lively. CBA with them was a blast. Even though we didn't do much decoration, we were quite... original in our opinion. We came up with the "protest" which was "no abortion" and it was really really cool and we spread our message to everyone. After that, all the groups started doing protests.
As a FAC, I think I'm quite slack actually. I'm not someone who is very... focused on doing a single thing. I tend to stray to other things. And thats probably why I gave Obsidian alot of space to do what they want. I gave suggestions and helped them, but I didn't do the stuff for them. They were the leaders of tomorrow, and they have to be independent. Independence is something they need to come up with themselves. I hope they have learnt things.
My birthday was well spent. Classmates came over to my house on monday, and we got to know each other better. On the first day of SLC, everyone wished me happy birthday, and everyone was so nice and wished me happy birthday. The facs even cheered for me and sang me happy birthday. Honestly I was really, really, touched. I thank all the facs, and I think they are awesome people. My 16th was well spent.
As a FAC I have made many new friends of course.
Starting with the facs. Akira became a close friend to me. Akira is fun to be with, he can be serious, but most of the time he goes along being nonsensical with me. Awesome head fac. Erin is also a good friend. She is quiet, but she talks alot too! She listens to me and she talks to me about stuff, which was great. As for Phyllis, I don't really know how to say this. I think I was quite wrong to tease her badly. Maybe she couldn't take the teasing. And wiseley telling me that she hates me (and maybe a few other girls) makes me see some parts of me I have probably forgotten, after being in a boys school for so long. I think I was in the wrong. Phyllis is actually very nice and I do really hope she can forgive me..
Royanne was a great concept member, and she'll continue to be my good friend. She is really caring and nice, I mean honestly she is. When I was down, I remember she and Akira being worried over me. I think I shouldn't keep things to myself when I'm sad, but thats something for me to change. I read her blog, and I see that she's very truthful in her blog. Just like how I'm being truthful here. And I realized that she did stalk this blog, which I didn't expect. I think the reason I gave her my blog address was because my gut feeling told me Royanne would probably understand my feelings, which I think was actually right. I felt that at the very least I could trust her, I mean I could trust my blog website with Akira and Erin too, cause they are my close friends now, but they didn't ask, so I shan't tell... for now.
On the last day of SLC, yesterday, I cried.
It was tears of joy.
Yet it was tears of sorrow too.
I was happy that I have left behind me, a part of the SLC legacy. I was happy that my faculty has grown.
I was sad that my life would go back to be boring again. How boring would it be... without this thing to look forward to.
But then, I'm gonna remind myself that all the good things in life would always one day end. All of my best times in life have ended, but more will definitely come. I know it. And for now, I'll have to keep to my resolve, of a good term next term.
As an ending. I have a clue, that I have done most things right during this event. I have a momento mori. And its this : If I die, I wanna die as someone special. Remember as someone special.
Life goes on. Memories last. SLC forever.
Who are we are we are we?
18th 18th SLC!
-- list of events in the past two years [2011-2012 (May) ] --
- 17th SLC
- Boarding School (IBP Term 3 2011)
- Beijing Satellite Campus (Oct Batch 2011)
- Beijing Satellite Campus (Oct Batch 2011)
- 5th HRSY @Brisbane (April 2012)
- 18th SLC
--People who have changed me--
- Humilis (And our facil Caleb Look) (17th SLC)
- Sit Han Zhe, Tan Jun Ming and Zhao Junning my roommates
- Sia Bao Huei, Tan Yu Chuan, Lim Jing Yu, Tan Kuang Ian. Xu Ming Lu and Low Ying Ning (BSC bro sect) - Shu Ting, Grace, Xuyi, Raynold Toh, Caleb, Yuan Khai
-
- Mingxia, Wiseley, Jonathan Chuan, Yao Qiang (HRSY people)
- Facs (Erin, Akira, Wiseley, Xuyi, Chong Hon, Phyllis, Hua Xian, Delphine, Candice, Rou Jing, Adriel, Ernest, Siyuan) and my concept member Royanne (18th SLC)
- Xuan Meng, Marcus, Tailai, Kah Win, Chiran, Han Long, Jarrett, De Quan (Classmates)
I love you all.
- Fun : We are young ft. Janelle Monae
- Fun : We are young ft. Janelle Monae
Saturday, May 26, 2012
And so I need to improve my penmanship
My command of this language is horrendous. I hate writing stuff.
It's so much easier writing about my mind and all my thoughts onto this blog. I can crap out things as if it was easy just like that.
Compos don't inspired me. I don't link with them at all.
Exposition writings are even worse. They're just a chunk of argumentative bullshit.
Ah no, don't even get me started on situational writings.
So yep, I'll probably try adding in "chimmer" vocabulary just to seem sophisticated in my blog onwards. And maybe improve my penmanship.
I'll probably start writing stories and stuff.
It's time to secure that English A1
It's so much easier writing about my mind and all my thoughts onto this blog. I can crap out things as if it was easy just like that.
Compos don't inspired me. I don't link with them at all.
Exposition writings are even worse. They're just a chunk of argumentative bullshit.
Ah no, don't even get me started on situational writings.
So yep, I'll probably try adding in "chimmer" vocabulary just to seem sophisticated in my blog onwards. And maybe improve my penmanship.
I'll probably start writing stories and stuff.
It's time to secure that English A1
Friday, May 25, 2012
And I feel sad
Yeah. I feel sad.
I feel disrespected. I feel disposable.
And then I'm gonna spend tonight potentially waiting for peoples reply. 800 whatsapp messages received today. All of them useless and not directed to me. Hell.
I feel this uncontrollable strife inside my heart. This conflicting emotions and the conflicting actions I want to take. My world is falling apart.
What... its like... all of those events, all of those things I'm participating in are all... shaping me. For better? For worse? I've made so many close friends this year, but in the due process enemies of course.
Am I supposed to be blogging to display my thoughts, or am I just an attention seeking whore who craves for someone to read my blog, to understand me? I want someone to understand me. I don't think anyone understands me. And sadly, I don't think anyone will every understand me. My personality shifts, my ego contracts and inflates. My perspectives changes everyday. To be honest, I don't even understand myself.
Oh maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and read this blogpost. Oh maybe I'll see how much of a retard I was. Oh maybe I'll forget about all these things that happened recently that has changed me again.
Whats the purpose of life again?
Do you know? I don't know.
#yolo
Fuck that shit.
Everyone knows that you only live once, but going about shouting yolo won't make it clear cut that your enjoying everything out of your life. Doing stupid stuff doesnt fulfill life. The basic part about living life is to survive.
Oh I would love to see some people survive after sky diving without a parachute. Oh the glee.
What is this feeling. Its like.... Sec 2 all over again. Sec 3 all over again.
That was the most pathetic years in my existence. And I'm repeating it. I don't like it, and it's gonna stop soon. How is it gonna stop? I have no idea. I swear I'll do it. I swear I'll get out of this shithole as soon as I can, and then I'll be reborn as a phoenix.
PS. MSG 4.2 Expected. This term was bad. But next term would be much much better. I know it.
I feel disrespected. I feel disposable.
And then I'm gonna spend tonight potentially waiting for peoples reply. 800 whatsapp messages received today. All of them useless and not directed to me. Hell.
I feel this uncontrollable strife inside my heart. This conflicting emotions and the conflicting actions I want to take. My world is falling apart.
What... its like... all of those events, all of those things I'm participating in are all... shaping me. For better? For worse? I've made so many close friends this year, but in the due process enemies of course.
Am I supposed to be blogging to display my thoughts, or am I just an attention seeking whore who craves for someone to read my blog, to understand me? I want someone to understand me. I don't think anyone understands me. And sadly, I don't think anyone will every understand me. My personality shifts, my ego contracts and inflates. My perspectives changes everyday. To be honest, I don't even understand myself.
Oh maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and read this blogpost. Oh maybe I'll see how much of a retard I was. Oh maybe I'll forget about all these things that happened recently that has changed me again.
Whats the purpose of life again?
Do you know? I don't know.
#yolo
Fuck that shit.
Everyone knows that you only live once, but going about shouting yolo won't make it clear cut that your enjoying everything out of your life. Doing stupid stuff doesnt fulfill life. The basic part about living life is to survive.
Oh I would love to see some people survive after sky diving without a parachute. Oh the glee.
What is this feeling. Its like.... Sec 2 all over again. Sec 3 all over again.
That was the most pathetic years in my existence. And I'm repeating it. I don't like it, and it's gonna stop soon. How is it gonna stop? I have no idea. I swear I'll do it. I swear I'll get out of this shithole as soon as I can, and then I'll be reborn as a phoenix.
PS. MSG 4.2 Expected. This term was bad. But next term would be much much better. I know it.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
What happens when your care is trampled?
I like to care for people that I love as friends, and that's just me.
But sometimes, when I try to care for them, they close themselves in and try to act like it's their own problems.
Then what are friends for??
Saw Jen's note yesterday, and yeah I think friends and family should always back the person up. Or else, friends and family have no use. I'm here for all of my friends.
So it kinda hurts really when you care for a person, and all they do is ignore you, act as if you can't help them and they don't appreciate your help. If thats the case. I would honestly rather not care. I can be very, very cold. I have been and I can be cold.
But thats the old me.
I'm trying not to be cold.
And I absolutely hate it when someone forces it out of me.
But sometimes, when I try to care for them, they close themselves in and try to act like it's their own problems.
Then what are friends for??
Saw Jen's note yesterday, and yeah I think friends and family should always back the person up. Or else, friends and family have no use. I'm here for all of my friends.
So it kinda hurts really when you care for a person, and all they do is ignore you, act as if you can't help them and they don't appreciate your help. If thats the case. I would honestly rather not care. I can be very, very cold. I have been and I can be cold.
But thats the old me.
I'm trying not to be cold.
And I absolutely hate it when someone forces it out of me.
Monday, May 21, 2012
A new era for Chelsea
First of. This saturday, 19th May, 2012 has been one of the best nights in my life.
To start it off , I had a truly wonderful fac training again, from 3-7 and afterwards which we practiced our dance with in the hopes that we'll put up a spectacular display during the grand finale. Furthermore, our dinner, which we had around 8+ at BTP's subways was the funniest, most entertaining one yet. It was the funniest dinner I've probably ever had. I have never laughed that hard before. The fun we made out of Ernest (even though I feel a tad bit guilty about it) was unparalleled. A new generation of jokes have risen.
To top it all off, I woke up at 3 to watch the UEFA champions league finals! The finals was the most hair pulling, nail biting, heart throbbing match ever. The stakes were high, the tension was higher. The superb defense by Chelsea's David Luiz, Cahill, Cole was probably what kept Chelsea in the game. Of course not forgetting the spectacular performance by Drogba and the wonderful godlike saves by Petr Cech. Petr Cech is probably my official idol now. Alas, in the end, after all the suspense, Chelsea has emerged as victors for the 2012 UEFA Champions league held in the Allianz Arena with a score of 4-3 in penalties after 120 minutes of spectacular football (which ended in 1-1)
I still remember last year's finals, which was Barcelona against manchester united. It wasn't half as spectacular as this one. Barcelona virtually dominated the game. There wasn't a single doubt.
One of the best nights ever. Truly so
To start it off , I had a truly wonderful fac training again, from 3-7 and afterwards which we practiced our dance with in the hopes that we'll put up a spectacular display during the grand finale. Furthermore, our dinner, which we had around 8+ at BTP's subways was the funniest, most entertaining one yet. It was the funniest dinner I've probably ever had. I have never laughed that hard before. The fun we made out of Ernest (even though I feel a tad bit guilty about it) was unparalleled. A new generation of jokes have risen.
To top it all off, I woke up at 3 to watch the UEFA champions league finals! The finals was the most hair pulling, nail biting, heart throbbing match ever. The stakes were high, the tension was higher. The superb defense by Chelsea's David Luiz, Cahill, Cole was probably what kept Chelsea in the game. Of course not forgetting the spectacular performance by Drogba and the wonderful godlike saves by Petr Cech. Petr Cech is probably my official idol now. Alas, in the end, after all the suspense, Chelsea has emerged as victors for the 2012 UEFA Champions league held in the Allianz Arena with a score of 4-3 in penalties after 120 minutes of spectacular football (which ended in 1-1)
I still remember last year's finals, which was Barcelona against manchester united. It wasn't half as spectacular as this one. Barcelona virtually dominated the game. There wasn't a single doubt.
One of the best nights ever. Truly so
Friday, May 18, 2012
Stop whining and get a life
Stop whining and get a life.
So what if life is full of shit.
So what if life is a bitch and its unfair.
It's unfair for everyone. Live with it. You're the one dictating your life. Might as well dictate it well for yourself.
Thats why I don't ever say FML. My future is in my hands.
Your future is in your hands too.
So what if life is full of shit.
So what if life is a bitch and its unfair.
It's unfair for everyone. Live with it. You're the one dictating your life. Might as well dictate it well for yourself.
Thats why I don't ever say FML. My future is in my hands.
Your future is in your hands too.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Only when you fall do you stand up stronger
Firstly, this blog is quite personal. Supposedly. I have no hell of an idea how it got 300+ views in the past month.. oh well.
This is probably why I refrain from talking about love here. Its not a good place to talk about it. This is merely a place for me to rant and be somewhat... philosophical. And I wanna keep it that way.
This previous week has been excruciating challenging.. the toughest week of my life. Bad things happen everyday.. nothing good has happened. Sigh. I didn't have the drive to go on this term. That is what I'm totally honest about. Another thing I'm totally honest is that I studied more this term than I did last term. Yet I can't replicate that 1.9 MSG. I think the reason was that I didn't spend my time studying "efficiently" to say the least. No point in doing well this term, I said to myself. Kinda regret it now, being pathetic in a pathetic class. Utterly pathetic.
My life has been quite rife with failures already. Not managing a special programme, not even CSE, only special programme just because I screwed up my math and science in sec 2. Science was never my strong suit I admit, but I am quite decent in math. Still, I don't want my sec 4 to end up like my sec 2. It can't happen. I won't let it happen.
Post HRSY blues are probably still here. I really wanna see the hong kong people and the Australian people again. But I probably won't see them anytime soon. Thats sad but true. HRSY was a good experience. Many many friends made, my group (SONY) was awesome. However, it probably could have been better if I didn't have to take any tests there. Sad but true once again. I flopped all my 3 tests there even though I put in effort in it. 2nd worst Chinese result in my 4 years here (68), worst Chem result ever (Failed) and my worst Physics result ever (53). Laugh couldn't be more daunting.
Onto my main point. I have failed this term. I admit that I have failed. I have fallen from that grace. But I assure you all I'll stand up stronger and better. No, no assure. It WILL happen and I shall see that it does. My determination shan't crumble. I think I have found the drive to study again so thats great. As long as I have the drive I can move forward.
On a side note. SLC is coming and the Fac Trainings were awesome! The only good thing that has happened.. probably. Facs are bonding well... I can feel it. Hope SLC would be awesome and I can't wait to go for it on 29th May!
The koala has met it's rightful owner today haha. Hope it gets well taken care of :)
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill
This is probably why I refrain from talking about love here. Its not a good place to talk about it. This is merely a place for me to rant and be somewhat... philosophical. And I wanna keep it that way.
This previous week has been excruciating challenging.. the toughest week of my life. Bad things happen everyday.. nothing good has happened. Sigh. I didn't have the drive to go on this term. That is what I'm totally honest about. Another thing I'm totally honest is that I studied more this term than I did last term. Yet I can't replicate that 1.9 MSG. I think the reason was that I didn't spend my time studying "efficiently" to say the least. No point in doing well this term, I said to myself. Kinda regret it now, being pathetic in a pathetic class. Utterly pathetic.
My life has been quite rife with failures already. Not managing a special programme, not even CSE, only special programme just because I screwed up my math and science in sec 2. Science was never my strong suit I admit, but I am quite decent in math. Still, I don't want my sec 4 to end up like my sec 2. It can't happen. I won't let it happen.
Post HRSY blues are probably still here. I really wanna see the hong kong people and the Australian people again. But I probably won't see them anytime soon. Thats sad but true. HRSY was a good experience. Many many friends made, my group (SONY) was awesome. However, it probably could have been better if I didn't have to take any tests there. Sad but true once again. I flopped all my 3 tests there even though I put in effort in it. 2nd worst Chinese result in my 4 years here (68), worst Chem result ever (Failed) and my worst Physics result ever (53). Laugh couldn't be more daunting.
Onto my main point. I have failed this term. I admit that I have failed. I have fallen from that grace. But I assure you all I'll stand up stronger and better. No, no assure. It WILL happen and I shall see that it does. My determination shan't crumble. I think I have found the drive to study again so thats great. As long as I have the drive I can move forward.
On a side note. SLC is coming and the Fac Trainings were awesome! The only good thing that has happened.. probably. Facs are bonding well... I can feel it. Hope SLC would be awesome and I can't wait to go for it on 29th May!
The koala has met it's rightful owner today haha. Hope it gets well taken care of :)
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill
Friday, May 4, 2012
Only when you lose it do you miss it
Totally. I miss Brisbane like hell.
One of those days which I'm gonna suffer from withdrawal symptoms again.. hais. Brisbane was a magical journey. The place is so different, and my presence there felt surreal at the least. The clear blue skys... the lovely weather. Oh, the most important thing is of course the people.
The people make the place great. The Australians have made Australia, Brisbane awesome. There warm and cheery attitude brightens the trip up! The Hong Kong girls have also made the trip very very insightful and interesting. I have truly made many wonderful friends..
Avis, Natalie, Yuki , Clifton, Ned, Xavier, Kay Han , Wiseley, Mingxia, Jonathan, Yao Qiang, Bryce, Ian, Roystan, Jie Hao , Ze Hien, Tiffany, Sharon, Janet, Charrissa.. and many many more. They have made this trip a wonderful one..
To be absolutely honest. I didn't take that scandal to be anything much, really. I knew my feelings for people, and I know with all my heart that I am not interested in Avis. But I think the scandal could have gotten out of hand, and that was probably why I lost my cool. I thought she was hurt or something. That is really stupid of me.. but oh well.
I won't forget the manchester derby. Mr Ibrahim and Mr Lucas Ho were watching with us! That was classic at the least. We had such wonderful times. Man City won manchester United 1-0 btw. On the same day, I've also witnessed Chelsea triumph a 6-1 over Queens Park Rangers, and Barcelona win 7-0 over Rayo Vallecano. Life would have been good if Real Madrid didn't win the La Liga and Pep Guardiola hadn't quit Barca.... haish.
I think life should continue to move on... I miss the debates. I miss the forum. I miss the research paper presentations. Hell, I even miss the keynote speeches. Of course, I miss Sony too. In HRSY I've probably discovered a talent, the uncanny ability to instill life into a speech, the ability to introduce humor, trolling into a presentation to bestow upon it life! With this, I think I have become a better debater, a better presenter as a whole. A good presentation isnt one with alot of information, but one which captures the attention of the audience. I think I had done that, and that is great.
Alas, goodbye, Australia, good bye Brisbane. I shall forever miss you sunny weather with the blue blue sky. May god bless and I shall see all of you my friends soon.
One of those days which I'm gonna suffer from withdrawal symptoms again.. hais. Brisbane was a magical journey. The place is so different, and my presence there felt surreal at the least. The clear blue skys... the lovely weather. Oh, the most important thing is of course the people.
The people make the place great. The Australians have made Australia, Brisbane awesome. There warm and cheery attitude brightens the trip up! The Hong Kong girls have also made the trip very very insightful and interesting. I have truly made many wonderful friends..
Avis, Natalie, Yuki , Clifton, Ned, Xavier, Kay Han , Wiseley, Mingxia, Jonathan, Yao Qiang, Bryce, Ian, Roystan, Jie Hao , Ze Hien, Tiffany, Sharon, Janet, Charrissa.. and many many more. They have made this trip a wonderful one..
To be absolutely honest. I didn't take that scandal to be anything much, really. I knew my feelings for people, and I know with all my heart that I am not interested in Avis. But I think the scandal could have gotten out of hand, and that was probably why I lost my cool. I thought she was hurt or something. That is really stupid of me.. but oh well.
I won't forget the manchester derby. Mr Ibrahim and Mr Lucas Ho were watching with us! That was classic at the least. We had such wonderful times. Man City won manchester United 1-0 btw. On the same day, I've also witnessed Chelsea triumph a 6-1 over Queens Park Rangers, and Barcelona win 7-0 over Rayo Vallecano. Life would have been good if Real Madrid didn't win the La Liga and Pep Guardiola hadn't quit Barca.... haish.
I think life should continue to move on... I miss the debates. I miss the forum. I miss the research paper presentations. Hell, I even miss the keynote speeches. Of course, I miss Sony too. In HRSY I've probably discovered a talent, the uncanny ability to instill life into a speech, the ability to introduce humor, trolling into a presentation to bestow upon it life! With this, I think I have become a better debater, a better presenter as a whole. A good presentation isnt one with alot of information, but one which captures the attention of the audience. I think I had done that, and that is great.
Alas, goodbye, Australia, good bye Brisbane. I shall forever miss you sunny weather with the blue blue sky. May god bless and I shall see all of you my friends soon.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Freak yeah chips!
I'm growing fatter but I don't care.
Hell yeah chips are awesome. 2 bags of chips for 4 bucks aussie!
SWEET.
We went to robinson's shopping center today. And I feel happy :D even though i didnt buy anything haha.
Life is australia, though short, is great. Gonna be back in singapore in 5 days though :( Sad.
Hell yeah chips are awesome. 2 bags of chips for 4 bucks aussie!
SWEET.
We went to robinson's shopping center today. And I feel happy :D even though i didnt buy anything haha.
Life is australia, though short, is great. Gonna be back in singapore in 5 days though :( Sad.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Dilemma
I've never been good in dealing with dilemmas.
I can't decide which sweet to choose in a shop, be it sour skittles or that sour mentos (yes I absolutely love sour stuff).
I can't decide on what birthday gift I want.
I can't decide which movie to watch.
Yeah, thats how bad it is.
So now I'm facing another dilemma.
To do or not to do?
This term has been horrible.
I have just effectively registered a double C6 for math this term. That's probably the worst result I've gotten this 4 years in HCI.
My mere 28 (A2) for the second test could do nothing more than pull my F9 from the first test to a meagre C6.
Oh well. Life goes on. I shouldn't go for PE if a test period was after that though.. I just can't concentrate after exercising.
Ah... Oh well.
Tomorrow I shall start another chapter of this Secondary four life, embarking on a journey to Brisbane with friends Wiseley, Mingxia, Yao Qiang, Jonathan and more.. I hope I can find the spark of life in me there again :) I hope I can regain my form!
At the start of this year, I remember swearing to get a 1+ for my eoy this end of year. I achieved a landmark step in term 1. But term 2 hasn't been great. I shall work harder for the remaining tests. Hope you're here with me.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" - Dr Seuss
I shall savour last term's success. And emulate it again. Cheers to life!
I can't decide which sweet to choose in a shop, be it sour skittles or that sour mentos (yes I absolutely love sour stuff).
I can't decide on what birthday gift I want.
I can't decide which movie to watch.
Yeah, thats how bad it is.
So now I'm facing another dilemma.
To do or not to do?
This term has been horrible.
I have just effectively registered a double C6 for math this term. That's probably the worst result I've gotten this 4 years in HCI.
My mere 28 (A2) for the second test could do nothing more than pull my F9 from the first test to a meagre C6.
Oh well. Life goes on. I shouldn't go for PE if a test period was after that though.. I just can't concentrate after exercising.
Ah... Oh well.
Tomorrow I shall start another chapter of this Secondary four life, embarking on a journey to Brisbane with friends Wiseley, Mingxia, Yao Qiang, Jonathan and more.. I hope I can find the spark of life in me there again :) I hope I can regain my form!
At the start of this year, I remember swearing to get a 1+ for my eoy this end of year. I achieved a landmark step in term 1. But term 2 hasn't been great. I shall work harder for the remaining tests. Hope you're here with me.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" - Dr Seuss
I shall savour last term's success. And emulate it again. Cheers to life!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Bad start to the day X.X
Barca lost 1-2 to madrid.
All hopes of the la liga title lost. This is daunting.
Im quite sad that this happened. Oh well.
Had my braces tightened yesterday.. and hell did it hurt .. Im back to eating porridge again.. (at least for today). Got 4 tests next week. I should be really quite stressed and stuff but I don't feel anything. Well, probably cause I don't give a shit anymore. Hope I can do well for math. Haish
All hopes of the la liga title lost. This is daunting.
Im quite sad that this happened. Oh well.
Had my braces tightened yesterday.. and hell did it hurt .. Im back to eating porridge again.. (at least for today). Got 4 tests next week. I should be really quite stressed and stuff but I don't feel anything. Well, probably cause I don't give a shit anymore. Hope I can do well for math. Haish
Friday, April 20, 2012
Brisbane!
I can't wait till next Wednesday. I'll have another 10 days to escape from reality and really just... lax. I wanna relax and chill.. but I have too many tests next week. Should really start doing work and stuff :/
I have been wondering... are the alot of people around me, putting a smile? Are there many people faking their happiness, forcing a laughter? Are they actually hurting within? How many of my friends out there actually have alot of problems, but are actually hiding them away and just keeping it inside them, crying to themselves, emoing on their own?
I really wonder. I wanna put a smile on everyone's faces. I wanna be someone who people can share their troubles with, and probably provide some comfort for my friends. I don't hate anyone. Hating has never been something I'm strong at. Or maybe I'm someone who needs too many reasons to hate. No matter the case. I want everyone to be happier.
Don't say FML. Life isn't something worth f*king around. It's not life thats screwing you up. Life should have challenges. Challenges are what that makes up grow up and become better. Like what people always say : When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade
I have been wondering... are the alot of people around me, putting a smile? Are there many people faking their happiness, forcing a laughter? Are they actually hurting within? How many of my friends out there actually have alot of problems, but are actually hiding them away and just keeping it inside them, crying to themselves, emoing on their own?
I really wonder. I wanna put a smile on everyone's faces. I wanna be someone who people can share their troubles with, and probably provide some comfort for my friends. I don't hate anyone. Hating has never been something I'm strong at. Or maybe I'm someone who needs too many reasons to hate. No matter the case. I want everyone to be happier.
Don't say FML. Life isn't something worth f*king around. It's not life thats screwing you up. Life should have challenges. Challenges are what that makes up grow up and become better. Like what people always say : When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Bleh
I find twitter not safe anymore for me to rant and stuff. Too many people are getting on twitter. But then I'm being a stupid retard sharing my blog link on my twitter profile. Maybe I should remove it soon.
Had an interesting discussion with Daryl Marcus Wiseley Xavier and MingXia on the way home today. Why do results determine everything. This society is screwed. I think I should just live as a hermit in the middle of some mountain when I grow up. Fame, girls and wealth matter nothing to me. Results are stupid. The anime world is much better (quote Marcus Low)
Ugh well had my lit test today it went along fine so hope I did well for it? I guess I emphasized too much on colors. Alvin Teo is becoming a stuck up bitch. Even though I find nothing on him spectacular. Oh well. Ranting too much isnt good for my health. Im actually quite happy today. Haha
Had an interesting discussion with Daryl Marcus Wiseley Xavier and MingXia on the way home today. Why do results determine everything. This society is screwed. I think I should just live as a hermit in the middle of some mountain when I grow up. Fame, girls and wealth matter nothing to me. Results are stupid. The anime world is much better (quote Marcus Low)
Ugh well had my lit test today it went along fine so hope I did well for it? I guess I emphasized too much on colors. Alvin Teo is becoming a stuck up bitch. Even though I find nothing on him spectacular. Oh well. Ranting too much isnt good for my health. Im actually quite happy today. Haha
Sunday, April 15, 2012
So what have I been doing
What exactly have I been doing.
What exactly is my purpose in life.
I've fought, I've won battles, i lost some. But whats the point in fighting?
Are academics all we are aiming for? Straight A's, MSG of 1.0, being impressive with scholarships lining up for you to pick, with top universities waiting to grab you. Is that what everyone is aiming for? Is that what we WANT?
I really want to relive those wonderful 6weeks in Beijing. With friends, without a worry in life not having any grand pursuits and spectacular goals in their mind for them to chase. BSC was worry free, and it was liberating.
BSC gave me the inspiration to work hard in term 1. To actually dictate my life for once, to study and not slack like how I used to. Well, should I be happy that I have registered a somewhat impressive MSG of 1.9? After success comes the complacency. I grew complacent. I grew TIRED. There just isnt anything for me to work towards anymore. What can a good result give you? NOTHING. I don't feel different. I don't feel any motivation to dictate my life again. Well, doing bad isn't exactly great, but I think doing too well doesnt help you either. What would people do to you if you are excelling academically? Parents love you? People showing you off? "Look, he's a genius"
I have to get back my inspiration. Just what am I working for. I really want to get that HP scholarship, but currently I just feel as if doing well in term 2 DOES NO SHIT. What can I do now? How do I get back that drive?
These few weeks havent been great. I kinda regret making some friends last year. Some of them dont make me feel like their friends. I cared for them, treated them like friends but apparently they didn't think the same for me. There have been quite a few conflicts in my life recently. Bickering with Giggs, ignoring Guan. Failing math. Getting constantly scolded at and nagged by parents. What am I doing. Nothing feel right. Nothing is right.
I hope I can pick up my form again, cause I'm just ranting into this blog hoping for a single trace of relief and sanctuary for this weary and tired soul.
Few people understand me right now.
What exactly is my purpose in life.
I've fought, I've won battles, i lost some. But whats the point in fighting?
Are academics all we are aiming for? Straight A's, MSG of 1.0, being impressive with scholarships lining up for you to pick, with top universities waiting to grab you. Is that what everyone is aiming for? Is that what we WANT?
I really want to relive those wonderful 6weeks in Beijing. With friends, without a worry in life not having any grand pursuits and spectacular goals in their mind for them to chase. BSC was worry free, and it was liberating.
BSC gave me the inspiration to work hard in term 1. To actually dictate my life for once, to study and not slack like how I used to. Well, should I be happy that I have registered a somewhat impressive MSG of 1.9? After success comes the complacency. I grew complacent. I grew TIRED. There just isnt anything for me to work towards anymore. What can a good result give you? NOTHING. I don't feel different. I don't feel any motivation to dictate my life again. Well, doing bad isn't exactly great, but I think doing too well doesnt help you either. What would people do to you if you are excelling academically? Parents love you? People showing you off? "Look, he's a genius"
I have to get back my inspiration. Just what am I working for. I really want to get that HP scholarship, but currently I just feel as if doing well in term 2 DOES NO SHIT. What can I do now? How do I get back that drive?
These few weeks havent been great. I kinda regret making some friends last year. Some of them dont make me feel like their friends. I cared for them, treated them like friends but apparently they didn't think the same for me. There have been quite a few conflicts in my life recently. Bickering with Giggs, ignoring Guan. Failing math. Getting constantly scolded at and nagged by parents. What am I doing. Nothing feel right. Nothing is right.
I hope I can pick up my form again, cause I'm just ranting into this blog hoping for a single trace of relief and sanctuary for this weary and tired soul.
Few people understand me right now.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Braces!
Just plucked out 2 of my precious tooth :( I was boss enough to tell the dentist I wanted to have both of my lower jaw teeth plucked out during the same session XD the sedative totally knocked my senses out and I couldn't even feel my lips and my tongue D: but then I think it was generally ok.. when the painkillers gone off there was a throbbing pain all the way till now >.< but nonetheless I survived it :) Next week im gonna put the braces and I'll look like a nerd for the next two years :(
Next week I have 6 tests asdfghkhksjdlfkjsdl but still I'll persevere and strive harder towards my goal!
Next week I have 6 tests asdfghkhksjdlfkjsdl but still I'll persevere and strive harder towards my goal!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Replaying the past
Everytime I do something stupid its just exactly the way I failed in the past, maybe I don't learn from my mistakes. Maybe I do but I just can't help but make the same mistakes again. Sec 1, Sec 2, Sec4. Thank god sec 3 was somewhat spared.
Monday, February 13, 2012
The truth hurts
What can you do... If you have a secret to tell your good friend, yet don't want to tell him and break his heart? This sucks really. I dont wanna think about this, maybe I shouldn't have known about it.
I haven't been talking to anyone much recently... maybe alot of things are on my mind. I don't know really.... I'm just unstable recently. I'm not supposed to be affected.
I haven't been talking to anyone much recently... maybe alot of things are on my mind. I don't know really.... I'm just unstable recently. I'm not supposed to be affected.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I've probably lost my way again
Obviously I remember my resolves. I'm determined to keep it. Well, that would have probably been my resolution for the rest of the year, or perhaps even till JC. Now I'm not sure anymore. I'm starting to feel insecure, feel helpless. I FEEL LOST. What happened to me I'm not sure. I can't see my future anymore. It's like more often than not that I've woken up to a bad dream where I've dreamt that I would screw my life up and end up in a polytechnic or something. I don't want that to happen.
I think I'm a hypocrite. All those things I claim in BSC might just end up becoming true again. It's such a burden you know, to feel bad... about... everything.
Ranting for me has never gone well, and I might as well create something to vent out on. Possibly...just possibly, Bao that retard is the only idiot who I can ever vent to. I don't trust anyone else. Maybe its the masculinity barrier. hehe.
This is taking my time off studying, so I'll just stop here. 4 tests every single day except for friday next week. Sad, sad sec 4 life.
IHAVENOCLUETOO
I think I'm a hypocrite. All those things I claim in BSC might just end up becoming true again. It's such a burden you know, to feel bad... about... everything.
Ranting for me has never gone well, and I might as well create something to vent out on. Possibly...just possibly, Bao that retard is the only idiot who I can ever vent to. I don't trust anyone else. Maybe its the masculinity barrier. hehe.
This is taking my time off studying, so I'll just stop here. 4 tests every single day except for friday next week. Sad, sad sec 4 life.
IHAVENOCLUETOO
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