Resolve?

I dont know what to feel about that comment.

It might have seemed casual, but it really made me think.

Probably its time I relinquish all those stupid childish desires of mine, all my emotions and just leave everything and concentrate on what I'm supposed to concentrate on now. 

I have no idea what that was supposed to me, and that feels really complicated.

No idea whatsoever. Now is not the time to feel like shit. I have loads of tests hurling over me and chocking me to death. I ought to give up. Won't that be what you want?

Probably that will loaden my load. I'll finally be happy like in term one again. Stupid me, making that mistake in january. I kinda regret it, yet I am also very happy cause of it. Ugh.

Dilemmas, dilemmas, go away and leave me.

Je t'aime. 

Monochromatic

Went to the STAR concert yesterday! It was awesome! Boys like girls and 4minute totally rocked the stage! A wonderful night indeed.

Then onto the main point. I think, there's nothing more than friendship. I'll be stupid to pursue beyond, but I'll be even more stupid to not pursue it.

Actually, I have my problems too, and sometimes I just feel so damn lonely. I don't wanna tell anyone my problems. Not Wise, not bao, not Jen. No one actually. I don't know why. Jen has her exams. And I just don't feel like trusting Wise right now.
Sad, but true.

I need to do well in my academics. I swore. I'm gonna be up to your standard. You just wait.

Resolve

I've always been an unstable person in terms of emotions.
One moment I can feel like shit, the next I'm smiling. But that rarely happens.
Most of the time, its when I'm smiling that I suddenly feel like shit. And I don't smile after that for quite a while.
I'm affected alot by those I'm close with, I realized. When one of my good friends become emo or sad, I become emo and sad too. It isn't a good thing sometimes. I might be too affected by the way people see me. Too affected by the judgments of others. Too conscious over my actions. Then I remembered, what Grace said before "why bother so much about other people?"
Yep, I won't.

I'm somehow trying to detach myself more and more from human feelings. Not giving a damn anymore.
It might be peculiar of me , but whenever someone doesnt reply me, whenever someone says something mean to me, whenever someone becomes sad, I get distracted and just stop and think. What happened, what was wrong, what did I do probably?
Sometimes I really am super glad I'm in a boys school. No girls has made my life so much easier. Girls aren't like boys at all. Guys have direct conflicts, but girls talk behind your backs most of the time. I would rather be confronted directly.
Don't get me wrong. I have friends who are girls who I absolutely love talking to, love chatting with.

So yeah, I think its those kind of problems with me being too sensitive sometimes which makes me so inefficient, so often distracted. If I were to be able to detract myself from this world, and just focus. I might be able to do much better.

Aish