So what have I been doing

What exactly have I been doing.
What exactly is my purpose in life.
I've fought, I've won battles, i lost some. But whats the point in fighting?
Are academics all we are aiming for? Straight A's, MSG of 1.0, being impressive with scholarships lining up for you to pick, with top universities waiting to grab you. Is that what everyone is aiming for? Is that what we WANT?
I really want to relive those wonderful 6weeks in Beijing. With friends, without a worry in life not having any grand pursuits and spectacular goals in their mind for them to chase. BSC was worry free, and it was liberating.
BSC gave me the inspiration to work hard in term 1. To actually dictate my life for once, to study and not slack like how I used to. Well, should I be happy that I have registered a somewhat impressive MSG of 1.9? After success comes the complacency. I grew complacent. I grew TIRED. There just isnt anything for me to work towards anymore. What can a good result give you? NOTHING. I don't feel different. I don't feel any motivation to dictate my life again. Well, doing bad isn't exactly great, but I think doing too well doesnt help you either. What would people do to you if you are excelling academically? Parents love you? People showing you off? "Look, he's a genius"
I have to get back my inspiration. Just what am I working for. I really want to get that HP scholarship, but currently I just feel as if doing well in term 2 DOES NO SHIT. What can I do now? How do I get back that drive?

These few weeks havent been great. I kinda regret making some friends last year. Some of them dont make me feel like their friends. I cared for them, treated them like friends but apparently they didn't think the same for me. There have been quite a few conflicts in my life recently. Bickering with Giggs, ignoring Guan. Failing math. Getting constantly scolded at and nagged by parents. What am I doing. Nothing feel right. Nothing is right.
I hope I can pick up my form again, cause I'm just ranting into this blog hoping for a single trace of relief and sanctuary for this weary and tired soul.
Few people understand me right now.