Mixed

I don't have a single idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

What the fuck have I been doing recently.
Oh what cursed luck do I have to have such a fortune. But I guess.. its all my fault.
Stubborn, egotistical, rigid.
But you know what. I guess all of you aren't backing down either.
Thinking back, most of it was my fault, but was it all my fault?

Overreaction, it kills. I dont know what to say. A collision of the stubborn forces, a collision of those who don't wish to back down.
And you know what. I'm tired, really really really tired. What am I tired about? Being a stubborn prick who refuses to back down.
Yet I always hold this thread of hope that you all would back down first.
Would you all back down, please?
Please?
.... pretty please?

Recently I've been stingy, irritable, and a pain in the ass. But what else can I do.
My life isn't made easy.
It wasn't easy at all.
Day to day i'm troubled and irritated. Its times like this that sometimes I would rather just..
die.
Or go away to somewhere far away from all the bullshit this world has thrown at me.

I am tired.
I am tired of harming everyone.
And I feel like shit everytime I do it.
Say first, regret later.

Well you know what. I regret like shit. But I know everything had to go that way, and I won't change it.
2 very close friends.
one that I consider my best friend.
People i knew, hurt them more than it hurts me.
But I also know I am hurting alot.
Very much.

But how so now?
Tired of the reparations too.
Tired of the apologies
Tired of making it up and saying everything the appease the latter just because I can't afford to lose them
But I know if i don't ...
sigh.

I dont know what to do now.