you really fucked up there what kind of shit friend are you

14 Days left. How stressful is that?

Nothing is going right, everyone is as stressed as you. How do you get out of this vicious cycle?
Nothing is working

What happened to the me of the past?

First time I'm putting this much effort into my studies,

kinda scared it doesn't work out

Now Im runnin and screamin..
I feel like a hero .. and you're my heroineeeeee

Days like this that I just get abit reflective and I think back to all the things that have happened in the past. The guilt of achieving nothing just keeps biting me back.

The point of this blog is to talk about whatever I want to talk about but I just feel like there's no longer any thing for me to talk about at all.
The more you talk, the more secrets you betray.
The more you say, the more people you offend.
The more statements you make, the more people misunderstand.

The more they know, the less the mystery of yourself, no?

I don't even know who reads this (Or anyone for that matter) and why they do it. To know more bout me/check up on me/or just out of morbid curiosity?

Misunderstandings misunderstandings how do you undo those misunderstandings?

Our last nationals

In the end we were only dream chasers.
Going after the ghost of our hopes and wishes.

Our last nationals ended in bitter disappointment..
we could have done better,
we could have won.
We could have broken the decade long deadlock and created a new legacy.

But with all the tears and pain, we really learned alot of things from this wonderful 3 weeks with the best team I've had.

I learned the difference a team could make. I learned the difference between complacency and hard work.
I've witnessed the fine line between victory and defeat.
I learned that there are much taller mountains than the ones I'm currently climbing.
I learned that tennis doesn't stop here, our team won't stop here. Hwa Chong tennis will not stop here.

Last year around this time, we also lost the decider against ACJC and crashed out of the quarter finals, obtaining a 5/6th position. But no one cried, everyone was okay with it. No one was particularly sad, everyone was totally fine with losing. Our defeat came as expected, to be honest.

What made a difference this year?

This year we had a genuine chance. We faced a team that we COULD and WOULD beat. We trained hard, harder than anytime before, and we were more than a match for our opponents.

But what was the biggest difference?

We wanted to win, not as individuals, but as a team. We wanted to win for each other.

We wanted to help each other break the decade long curse.

We wanted to leave a legacy.

We didn't want tennis to end.

We didn't want HC Tennis batch of 14' to end our season yet.

We didn't want to end our journey right here.

I guess many things could have happened differently. What if I played? What if our doubles was stronger? What if different pairs met each other?

What if..

What..

If..



But as we sat down and talked (or cried) about our season. Much more was learnt. We became very good friends with each other.
We really had a TEAM that we loved and wanted to fight for

We learnt to never give up, to fight for everything as hard as we can even when the odds were against us.

We learnt to never stop chasing dreams.

Maybe we were only dream chasers

but

We gave our juniors a reason to dream

The first quarter

Soon enough the first quarter of the year is coming to an end (I still haven't done anything of note) but I guess a lot of things have happened recently. I just have to document it.

2014 hasnt started off with a bang. Hell, it hasn't even lit off a spark. This year is boring at best, and most of the time I just feel like dying from the sudden boredom and pressure teachers are throwing at us. I love to sleep, but sleep is hard to come by nowadays. In fact. I don't know why but I just feel drained. No life, nothing. 

This first quarter of the year has, undoubtedly, been a really enriching and fun one. 13A11, 4A1, tennis people have always made school very much enjoyable and happy for me. I guess I'm really thankful for the friends that I have made over 2013 who has made 2014 all the greater :)

What has happened from Jan-March

1.Tennis training camp. 
Tennis training camp was literally the first thing that happened in 2014. Really was an eye opener in terms of getting to train under a professional thai player, and I just really hope that I'll improve alot alot by the start of nationals and be able to compete this year (despite our ever strong squad)

2.Chinese new year with my aunt
It isn't everyday that relatives come from China all the way here to visit you. Really glad my aunt did come though. The last time she visited was 6 years ago, and it was really refreshing to bring my aunt around to all the fun places to play, like USS and adventure cove :)

3. Open house 
Open house was another fun thing that happened I guess haha. We spent some effort and made a really nice tennis banner (unlike previous banners which were honestly... ugly) so we were really proud and happy! heh. Open house was a day of.. mixed feelings. Sad yet happy that day was. Marked the start of some animosity, but guess it signalled the end of it too..

4. NTUMUN 2014
This has probably been the highlight of February by a long mile. Made alot of friends at NTUMUN and had fun with people I never thought I'll meet or get to know. To be honest, I was disappointed with myself because its my 3rd MUN, but I still haven't tried hard enough to get a best delegate or anything of the likes. The quality of debate there was... decent, but that's it. Super thankful for all the Dunman friends I made though, cause they made the journey from the West all the way to Bedok less monotonous and fun! Super super grateful :)

5. Campfire night and POP
Something that had nothing to do with us, yet we came back anyway. It was really a good dose of school pride and whatnot, I guess! Watching the emotional scene after Ares's 3rd consecutive triumph really did put a smile on my face... and that momentary happiness was really something to treasure.

To be honest I hate the school year, and my progress in academics is really leaving me worried. But I honestly hope everything will be better in the coming time. Thoroughly exhausted, but still have to carry on! Hope everything will be well.

Sigh.. to As we go

In case I die

If I ever die an early death, maybe it means that my plans on this earth have come to an end.
Maybe it means that I have fulfilled my duties, and death comes beckon like an old sad friend.
Maybe I just lost track of time,
Or maybe just lost sight of life.

Whatever the case, don't mourn or cry. Don't be sad my old friends. Heaven awaits, but if its hell I'm going.

I'll smile anyway