Remember your humanity

Momento mori

All death will come, sooner or later.
No one is spared, and can never be spared.
Remember your humanity.
Remember what you're living for.

So carpe diem, seize the day, do what's worth living. Not something everything wants you to do. Don't conform to the society, don't be the slave of judgement, be yourself.
'Even if I die... I wanna die as myself, not just a slave of the capital' 
-Peeta Mellark, the hunger games.


I would rather travel around the world, experience everything this world has to offer rather than be rich. I would rather extract from the sweet knowledge of the humanities, than to engage in the destruction of the Earth for the money.
Happiness is what everyone desire, but few achieve

I would rather be happy than rich. I would rather be with the one I love than to be cooped up in a filthy mansion, forever alone.
Happiness is something I wanna achieve, I wanna share with the ones I love.
Wealth, power, fame were never what I desired.
All I need is enough to support myself and those I love in the future. Food on the table, clothes in the wardrobe, enough to pay for the bills and some luxuries, but not enough to make me filthy rich.

Have you ever been tired of studying? Have you every felt the futility of life, the subtle hints of fatigue in your daily life? The ever present stress on your life as you struggle through every single day, and heave a sigh of relief only when you collapse onto your bed? As you retrieve into your own dreamland where the your fantastical explorations and adventures leaves you ever the more tired in the present time?

Welcome to life.
Welcome to the life of a student.
Welcome to the life of a Singaporean student.

Anyone who has questioned the meaning of life would have thought about achieving happiness.
We spend our time studying, achieving, and conforming with the society. We try to do all we can to achieve the definition of success by our society. Our 5C's, a definitive gauge of how successful we are.
But no, nothing gauges our happiness.


Singapore might be one of the richest country in the world, but it is in the bottom few when it came to the happiness of the people. 
Stress, constant success, SOCIETY all dictates us. 
We aren't happy.


We should start being happy though

I seek solace in the quiet whims of the spring

I watched with glee as you struggled with the grim reaper. Soon it was going to be your last breath. Death is too strong, and you can't win him.

"you can't escape me"

I have taken another victim. I've lost count of how many, but yes, another one has joined god in his heavenly realm. What am I? What benign arts do I practice, to instill pain and suffering onto others for the joy of it?

Who said that I'm human. I am not human.

I am merely the essence of death

I am not the grim reaper. I am not death. I merely help death. The servant of death itself. Are you scared of me? Are you scared of my practice, or are you scared of death itself? Death is a scary thing, but it is only the start of a new journey.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair

Death and killing are nothing wrong. I merely do what I think is fair.

Loaded and ready. 1 bullet loaded into the cartridge. Waiting for the perfect timing. Scope aimed at the head.....

BANG

and hes dead. Shot in the head. The president is dead. My first assassination. 

My last. 

I have stopped. This is no longer fun. The mutilation of the human flesh is what I desire, as threads of flesh are torn off from the arm, as strings of muscles are shredded off from the legs. As the head is slowly cut off from the body. Slowly.... slowly.

Watch as you wake up, gagged up and tied down. I wanna have some.... fun.

Yes.. fun...

Want to play with me? I will make sure you...enjoy it.

Ah, that horror on your face...exhilarating. Wonderful. See as you start crying. You start shouting through your gag. Your eyes are strewn with horror.

I took out your gag, and you start screaming. 

"I don't deserve to die!"

Everyone deserves to die. I smile at you, the classic smile of the joker. My fake sincerity must have been detected. Oh well. You'll die soon anyway.

I put your arms inside the furnace.. and I start burning it. That tortured look as you scream out in pain. You beg for me to stop. 

NO

I take your arms out. Their burned.. charred. The flesh has torn out, streaks of pink red, burnt muscle could be seen. You can't feel your arms anymore. Your whole mouth is bleeding, as you bit your tongue during the pain. 

You start crying. The tears are filled with blood.

Good. Your time is almost up. 

I dump your whole body into the furnace. You struggle, but you're not as strong as me. 

You cry and scream and beg for me to let you go. You scream like there's no tomorrow.

Haha, there is no tomorrow. 

Your screams, your shrieks pierce the air. But slowly, slowly.. the shrieking stops. And everything becomes silent again other than the sound of burning flames.

Victim #204

Rest in peace.

- This is a challenge of a gory post as compared to Ernest's post. I think i failed though

And In god I trust

I've been really busy so yep havent been blogging!
And apparently my blog seems so sombre and stuff I've decided to make this post...more light hearted :)

The past week has been a blast, really. Starting from the 7th of June, Thursday all the way to Monday I was at camp, operation 纳尼亚! It was a church camp organized by my church, All saints church and held at church (Which is inside AHS - Anglican High School)
Firstly, the camp has been a very strenuous and tiring journey, with games that required alot of sheer determination, strength and willpower just to get through all of it. The games in the afternoon are based like a mini amazing race, and stations are located all around us and we have to do them quickly. Some are time based, so we have to run around and try to finish everything as quick as we can. Yep, and thats why we are so tired.
The night activities were super tiring for the first day, I didn't expect it to be half as tiring cause when I joined in sec 1, the night activities were very mild and not tiring at all.. looks like they decided to change this year. The night activities were based on speed. We were given a marble at the start, and we had to go to the hall and complete the stations located there. One marble can only be used for a single station and upon completion we were given a icecream stick with a word, and then we had to run around the whole compound (parade square, church, concourse) and find people who have a bell and tell them the word. If the word is correct, they will give us another marble let us continue the games. The team which completes the most stations win. Well the hard part was that it was super difficult finding the right person as there were alot of people with bells and then we had to keep darting here and there. But at the end of the day, we strived hard and fought to the end, in the end completing 11/12 stations and came in second among all the 12 groups!
In the day on the first day, the stations were based on scores and timings instead, and we had to try our best to do well and complete the station in the shortest time possible. For this, we managed to probably get first for around 4 out of 8 stations - a feat of course! So we came in first! Go NASA!
Second day was... more different I guess? This time the day games are more like the amazing race. And then at the starting we were given the weird dance to dance, and the house which could dance the thing correctly first are allowed to go first. If I remember correctly voyager went off first, followed by atlantis and then us Lodestar. So technically, we had a very very bad start cause we had at least 10 minutes buffer time between us and voyager. Nonetheless, for the first station, the other houses all used around 10-20 minutes just for the game which was like there was this item put in a black box and you have to guess the item in the box. If you guess wrongly you have to do 100 counts on a pedometer for 1 step forward or something. Luckily for us Donovan saw the item immediately (Which is a lipstick) and we didnt even have to step at all haha. We finished the station in like.. 3 minutes! This time again we were enthusiastic and went on chionging through all the stations, eventually coming in as 4th, overtaking many that were infront of us.
So yep we were in top four for all 3 of the games we played ^^

Anyway fast forwarding... to amazing race! We were waken up at 5.40 with a bloody piece of announcement stuck onto the board and YES YOU CAN GET WHAT KIND OF FEELING I HAD. LIKE WTH THE RACE STARTED THE HECK???

Well in the end we were on of the last ones to leave (cause Bervyn took his time showering we don't blame him) and then we reached the first station which we had to cut stuff (clues) that had our logo. We overtook alot of stations there.. then the second station we overtook more teams hehe and got first. But unfortunately we went on to the chinatown station and got abit lost.. which eventually led to us becoming second. I think at the end of the day there were 7 stations in total. It was quite cool and we finished 4th again.

With that behind, lodestar won the best house! And then NASA won the second best team!

I think at the end of the day. It wasnt only the fun and laughter that mattered so much. It was all about god. Yes, it was all about god. It might be weird, but I think I enjoyed the praise and worship sessions alot. I recall myself letting go of myself, giving in to god. Giving myself to god. The holy spirit was with me. Through this camp I think I have rediscovered god again probably. I have learnt more about him and all he has done for me. I have connected with him. I hope god can be able to continue guiding me, continue helping me each and everyday through everything I do. I thank you god. I love you.


Amen

A short novel of sorts.

[Prelude]

I would love to think of myself as a superhero. 

Powerful, mighty. Most importantly, capable and strong. A superhero helps others and puts a smile on their faces, even if he himself was suffering; a superhero sacrifices for others. 

I would love to be a superhero, the one who puts smile on your faces. But I'm not capable yet.

That wet, mushy April afternoon was the start of my dreams. I saw the evils in this world; I saw the horrors. That first day in a foreign country where everyone was suffering changed me. That day was the day my soul has awaken.

Once again the meaning of life is void. Wealth, prosperity and power are not what we are supposed to live for, we are supposed to be after material wealth. We are supposed to come to this work making a change. I wanted to make a change, and change shall happen. 

PS 

I dont know how to continue this. Sigh my english sucks

18th SLC

Another life changing event has passed.

Everything feels surreal you know. Since FAC training number 1, I've been looking forward to 18th SLC. Anticipation, unspoken but felt throughout every single Fac and OT member. It was going to be something big.

And yeah, I could feel it. 

SLC was gonna be OUR event. So it was gonna be OUR job to do it well. I honestly think we did a great job.

This journey wasn't all smooth and fluid, it wasn't all tumultuous and rocky either. Rather, a few small bumps in the middle of the road. 

Thank god I got out of this with all my friends - both new friends and old ones. I've made so many friends in this journey, and maybe that is one reason I don't want SLC to end.

I think of myself as someone who thinks alot. I remember the night before HRSY, I was thinking to myself in the shower "wouldn't I have fun, have all the fun in the world, and then come back to Singapore and suffer blues? How do I minimize those blues?" So I made a promise to myself, that I wouldn't be emo and depressed over that event. That I wouldn't miss Australia. Or at least try not to.... well sadly I failed and got depressed for a few days. 

SLC was the same. I remember lying on my bed the night before SLC "time is gonna pass really fast, would I be so emotional and sad at the end?" I wanted to try and not be so emotional this time round... but I failed again. I think I'm not strong enough yet. But then again.... I don't wanna be strong. I think crying would rather make me release my emotions easier. And I'm happy to cry, cause these are tears of joy.

As a fac, my experience was so different from the 17th SLC, when I was a participant. What I remember first was at the end of 17th SLC, when I swore that I would go as a FAC for the 18th SLC. I remember at the start of this year, I swore to work hard for term one, so that I can go as a FAC for SLC. I remember how sad I was, when I realized that I'll be in Australia during the selection camp, and might not become a FAC. How sad I was then. But then I remember how I was given a chance to go as a FAC when Bao they all offered us a second interview chance. Thank god I was chosen. I hope I didn't disappoint them all. 

Ah darn I think I'm really talkative .. I still havent gone to my main point.

4 days of SLC just passed. My life has probably been changed again. I wasn't proud of everything I did during the convention, but fond memories are all that are inside my heart.

Obsidian was a great faculty. They were so closely bonded, so nonsensical and crazy. But it was probably their craze and nonsense which made them so lively and fun to be with. They were all so enthusiastic and fun, that probably made my job easier. 

Their "睡觉" chants and their daily dose of nonsense made me love this faculty and all of them. Maybe cause most of them are guys too! 8 guys and 2 girls. And thats probably what made underage sex, our CBA topic, so lively. CBA with them was a blast. Even though we didn't do much decoration, we were quite... original in our opinion. We came up with the "protest" which was "no abortion" and it was really really cool and we spread our message to everyone. After that, all the groups started doing protests. 

As a FAC, I think I'm quite slack actually. I'm not someone who is very... focused on doing a single thing. I tend to stray to other things. And thats probably why I gave Obsidian alot of space to do what they want. I gave suggestions and helped them, but I didn't do the stuff for them. They were the leaders of tomorrow, and they have to be independent. Independence is something they need to come up with themselves. I hope they have learnt things. 

My birthday was well spent. Classmates came over to my house on monday, and we got to know each other better. On the first day of SLC, everyone wished me happy birthday, and everyone was so nice and wished me happy birthday. The facs even cheered for me and sang me happy birthday. Honestly I was really, really, touched. I thank all the facs, and I think they are awesome people. My 16th was well spent.

As a FAC I have made many new friends of course. 

Starting with the facs. Akira became a close friend to me. Akira is fun to be with, he can be serious, but most of the time he goes along being nonsensical with me. Awesome head fac. Erin is also a good friend. She is quiet, but she talks alot too! She listens to me and she talks to me about stuff, which was great. As for Phyllis, I don't really know how to say this. I think I was quite wrong to tease her badly. Maybe she couldn't take the teasing. And wiseley telling me that she hates me (and maybe a few other girls) makes me see some parts of me I have probably forgotten, after being in a boys school for so long. I think I was in the wrong. Phyllis is actually very nice and I do really hope she can forgive me.. 

Royanne was a great concept member, and she'll continue to be my good friend. She is really caring and nice, I mean honestly she is. When I was down, I remember she and Akira being worried over me. I think I shouldn't keep things to myself when I'm sad, but thats something for me to change. I read her blog, and I see that she's very truthful in her blog. Just like how I'm being truthful here. And I realized that she did stalk this blog, which I didn't expect. I think the reason I gave her my blog address was because my gut feeling told me Royanne would probably understand my feelings, which I think was actually right. I felt that at the very least I could trust her, I mean I could trust my blog website with Akira and Erin too, cause they are my close friends now, but they didn't ask, so I shan't tell... for now. 

On the last day of SLC, yesterday, I cried. 

It was tears of joy.

Yet it was tears of sorrow too.

I was happy that I have left behind me, a part of the SLC legacy. I was happy that my faculty has grown. 

I was sad that my life would go back to be boring again. How boring would it be... without this thing to look forward to.

But then, I'm gonna remind myself that all the good things in life would always one day end. All of my best times in life have ended, but more will definitely come. I know it. And for now, I'll have to keep to my resolve, of a good term next term. 

As an ending. I have a clue, that I have done most things right during this event. I have a momento mori. And its this : If I die, I wanna die as someone special. Remember as someone special.

Life goes on. Memories last. SLC forever.

Who are we are we are we?

18th 18th SLC!

-- list of events in the past two years [2011-2012 (May) ] --

- 17th SLC

- Boarding School (IBP Term 3 2011)
- Beijing Satellite Campus (Oct Batch 2011)

- 5th HRSY @Brisbane (April 2012)

- 18th SLC 

--People who have changed me--

- Humilis (And our facil Caleb Look) (17th SLC)

- Sit Han Zhe, Tan Jun Ming and Zhao Junning my roommates

- Sia Bao Huei, Tan Yu Chuan, Lim Jing Yu, Tan Kuang Ian. Xu Ming Lu and Low Ying Ning (BSC bro sect) - Shu Ting, Grace, Xuyi, Raynold Toh, Caleb, Yuan Khai

- 

- Mingxia, Wiseley, Jonathan Chuan, Yao Qiang (HRSY people)

- Facs (Erin, Akira, Wiseley, Xuyi, Chong Hon, Phyllis, Hua Xian, Delphine, Candice, Rou Jing, Adriel, Ernest, Siyuan) and my concept member Royanne (18th SLC)

- Xuan Meng, Marcus, Tailai, Kah Win, Chiran, Han Long, Jarrett, De Quan (Classmates)

I love you all.
- Fun : We are young ft. Janelle Monae