And I feel sad

Yeah. I feel sad.
I feel disrespected. I feel disposable.

And then I'm gonna spend tonight potentially waiting for peoples reply. 800 whatsapp messages received today. All of them useless and not directed to me. Hell.

I feel this uncontrollable strife inside my heart. This conflicting emotions and the conflicting actions I want to take. My world is falling apart.
What... its like... all of those events, all of those things I'm participating in are all... shaping me. For better? For worse? I've made so many close friends this year, but in the due process enemies of course.

Am I supposed to be blogging to display my thoughts, or am I just an attention seeking whore who craves for someone to read my blog, to understand me? I want someone to understand me. I don't think anyone understands me. And sadly, I don't think anyone will every understand me. My personality shifts, my ego contracts and inflates. My perspectives changes everyday. To be honest, I don't even understand myself.

Oh maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and read this blogpost. Oh maybe I'll see how much of a retard I was. Oh maybe I'll forget about all these things that happened recently that has changed me again.

Whats the purpose of life again?

Do you know? I don't know.

#yolo
Fuck that shit.
Everyone knows that you only live once, but going about shouting yolo won't make it clear cut that your enjoying everything out of your life. Doing stupid stuff doesnt fulfill life. The basic part about living life is to survive.

Oh I would love to see some people survive after sky diving without a parachute. Oh the glee.

What is this feeling. Its like.... Sec 2 all over again. Sec 3 all over again.

That was the most pathetic years in my existence. And I'm repeating it. I don't like it, and it's gonna stop soon. How is it gonna stop? I have no idea. I swear I'll do it. I swear I'll get out of this shithole as soon as I can, and then I'll be reborn as a phoenix.

PS. MSG 4.2 Expected. This term was bad. But next term would be much much better. I know it.