And so I need to improve my penmanship

My command of this language is horrendous. I hate writing stuff.
It's so much easier writing about my mind and all my thoughts onto this blog. I can crap out things as if it was easy just like that.

Compos don't inspired me. I don't link with them at all.
Exposition writings are even worse. They're just a chunk of argumentative bullshit.
Ah no, don't even get me started on situational writings.

So yep, I'll probably try adding in "chimmer" vocabulary just to seem sophisticated in my blog onwards. And maybe improve my penmanship.

I'll probably start writing stories and stuff.
It's time to secure that English A1

And I feel sad

Yeah. I feel sad.
I feel disrespected. I feel disposable.

And then I'm gonna spend tonight potentially waiting for peoples reply. 800 whatsapp messages received today. All of them useless and not directed to me. Hell.

I feel this uncontrollable strife inside my heart. This conflicting emotions and the conflicting actions I want to take. My world is falling apart.
What... its like... all of those events, all of those things I'm participating in are all... shaping me. For better? For worse? I've made so many close friends this year, but in the due process enemies of course.

Am I supposed to be blogging to display my thoughts, or am I just an attention seeking whore who craves for someone to read my blog, to understand me? I want someone to understand me. I don't think anyone understands me. And sadly, I don't think anyone will every understand me. My personality shifts, my ego contracts and inflates. My perspectives changes everyday. To be honest, I don't even understand myself.

Oh maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and read this blogpost. Oh maybe I'll see how much of a retard I was. Oh maybe I'll forget about all these things that happened recently that has changed me again.

Whats the purpose of life again?

Do you know? I don't know.

#yolo
Fuck that shit.
Everyone knows that you only live once, but going about shouting yolo won't make it clear cut that your enjoying everything out of your life. Doing stupid stuff doesnt fulfill life. The basic part about living life is to survive.

Oh I would love to see some people survive after sky diving without a parachute. Oh the glee.

What is this feeling. Its like.... Sec 2 all over again. Sec 3 all over again.

That was the most pathetic years in my existence. And I'm repeating it. I don't like it, and it's gonna stop soon. How is it gonna stop? I have no idea. I swear I'll do it. I swear I'll get out of this shithole as soon as I can, and then I'll be reborn as a phoenix.

PS. MSG 4.2 Expected. This term was bad. But next term would be much much better. I know it.

What happens when your care is trampled?

I like to care for people that I love as friends, and that's just me.
But sometimes, when I try to care for them, they close themselves in and try to act like it's their own problems.
Then what are friends for??
Saw Jen's note yesterday, and yeah I think friends and family should always back the person up. Or else, friends and family have no use. I'm here for all of my friends.

So it kinda hurts really when you care for a person, and all they do is ignore you, act as if you can't help them and they don't appreciate your help. If thats the case. I would honestly rather not care. I can be very, very cold. I have been and I can be cold.
But thats the old me.
I'm trying not to be cold.

And I absolutely hate it when someone forces it out of me.

A new era for Chelsea

First of. This saturday, 19th May, 2012 has been one of the best nights in my life.
To start it off , I had a truly wonderful fac training again, from 3-7 and afterwards which we practiced our dance with in the hopes that we'll put up a spectacular display during the grand finale. Furthermore, our dinner, which we had around 8+ at BTP's subways was the funniest, most entertaining one yet. It was the funniest dinner I've probably ever had. I have never laughed that hard before. The fun we made out of Ernest (even though I feel a tad bit guilty about it) was unparalleled. A new generation of jokes have risen.
To top it all off, I woke up at 3 to watch the UEFA champions league finals! The finals was the most hair pulling, nail biting, heart throbbing match ever. The stakes were high, the tension was higher. The superb defense by Chelsea's David Luiz, Cahill, Cole was probably what kept Chelsea in the game. Of course not forgetting the spectacular performance by Drogba and the wonderful godlike saves by Petr Cech. Petr Cech is probably my official idol now. Alas, in the end, after all the suspense, Chelsea has emerged as victors for the 2012 UEFA Champions league held in the Allianz Arena with a score of 4-3 in penalties after 120 minutes of spectacular football (which ended in 1-1)
I still remember last year's finals, which was Barcelona against manchester united. It wasn't half as spectacular as this one. Barcelona virtually dominated the game. There wasn't a single doubt.
One of the best nights ever. Truly so

Stop whining and get a life

Stop whining and get a life.

So what if life is full of shit.
So what if life is a bitch and its unfair.

It's unfair for everyone. Live with it. You're the one dictating your life. Might as well dictate it well for yourself.
Thats why I don't ever say FML. My future is in my hands.
Your future is in your hands too.

Only when you fall do you stand up stronger

Firstly, this blog is quite personal. Supposedly. I have no hell of an idea how it got 300+ views in the past month.. oh well.
This is probably why I refrain from talking about love here. Its not a good place to talk about it. This is merely a place for me to rant and be somewhat... philosophical. And I wanna keep it that way.

This previous week has been excruciating challenging.. the toughest week of my life. Bad things happen everyday.. nothing good has happened. Sigh. I didn't have the drive to go on this term. That is what I'm totally honest about. Another thing I'm totally honest is that I studied more this term than I did last term. Yet I can't replicate that 1.9 MSG. I think the reason was that I didn't spend my time studying "efficiently" to say the least. No point in doing well this term, I said to myself. Kinda regret it now, being pathetic in a pathetic class. Utterly pathetic.

My life has been quite rife with failures already. Not managing a special programme, not even CSE, only special programme just because I screwed up my math and science in sec 2. Science was never my strong suit I admit, but I am quite decent in math. Still, I don't want my sec 4 to end up like my sec 2. It can't happen. I won't let it happen.

Post HRSY blues are probably still here. I really wanna see the hong kong people and the Australian people again. But I probably won't see them anytime soon. Thats sad but true. HRSY was a good experience. Many many friends made, my group (SONY) was awesome. However, it probably could have been better if I didn't have to take any tests there. Sad but true once again. I flopped all my 3 tests there even though I put in effort in it. 2nd worst Chinese result in my 4 years here (68), worst Chem result ever (Failed) and my worst Physics result ever (53). Laugh couldn't be more daunting.

Onto my main point. I have failed this term. I admit that I have failed. I have fallen from that grace. But I assure you all I'll stand up stronger and better. No, no assure. It WILL happen and I shall see that it does. My determination shan't crumble. I think I have found the drive to study again so thats great. As long as I have the drive I can move forward.




On a side note. SLC is coming and the Fac Trainings were awesome! The only good thing that has happened.. probably. Facs are bonding well... I can feel it. Hope SLC would be awesome and I can't wait to go for it on 29th May!
The koala has met it's rightful owner today haha. Hope it gets well taken care of :)

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

Only when you lose it do you miss it

Totally. I miss Brisbane like hell.
One of those days which I'm gonna suffer from withdrawal symptoms again.. hais. Brisbane was a magical journey. The place is so different, and my presence there felt surreal at the least. The clear blue skys... the lovely weather. Oh, the most important thing is of course the people.

The people make the place great. The Australians have made Australia, Brisbane awesome. There warm and cheery attitude brightens the trip up! The Hong Kong girls have also made the trip very very insightful and interesting. I have truly made many wonderful friends..
Avis, Natalie, Yuki , Clifton, Ned, Xavier, Kay Han , Wiseley, Mingxia, Jonathan, Yao Qiang, Bryce, Ian, Roystan, Jie Hao , Ze Hien, Tiffany, Sharon, Janet, Charrissa.. and many many more. They have made this trip a wonderful one..

To be absolutely honest. I didn't take that scandal to be anything much, really. I knew my feelings for people, and I know with all my heart that I am not interested in Avis. But I think the scandal could have gotten out of hand, and that was probably why I lost my cool. I thought she was hurt or something. That is really stupid of me.. but oh well.

I won't forget the manchester derby. Mr Ibrahim and Mr Lucas Ho were watching with us! That was classic at the least. We had such wonderful times. Man City won manchester United 1-0 btw. On the same day, I've also witnessed Chelsea triumph a 6-1 over Queens Park Rangers, and Barcelona win 7-0 over Rayo Vallecano. Life would have been good if Real Madrid didn't win the La Liga and Pep Guardiola hadn't quit Barca.... haish.

I think life should continue to move on... I miss the debates. I miss the forum. I miss the research paper presentations. Hell, I even miss the keynote speeches. Of course, I miss Sony too. In HRSY I've probably discovered a talent, the uncanny ability to instill life into a speech, the ability to introduce humor, trolling into a presentation to bestow upon it life! With this, I think I have become a better debater, a better presenter as a whole. A good presentation isnt one with alot of information, but one which captures the attention of the audience. I think I had done that, and that is great.

Alas, goodbye, Australia, good bye Brisbane. I shall forever miss you sunny weather with the blue blue sky. May god bless and I shall see all of you my friends soon.