Aftermath

So a few days after that event I feel as if I've lost my attachment towards you. Maybe thats how fast guys move away from such things, I don't know. But well. I feel indifferent towards what you say now.
It isn't a good thing, but its the truth. You might be someone important, but you haven't changed my life. Thats the difference. But don't get me wrong. No matter what, I would rather have a friend, than to have a foe. I would like you to think harder possibly. I don't know.

You have your friends. I have mine.

In the span of one week, I have already made close to 4 friends. New friends. They are really nice people who share my interests, but it doesn't mean that they are people who can understand my plight.
So what have you been doing? Tugging at the past? Pondering over whether to look past an incident like what a normal girl would do? Or just trying to be optimistic and act like you don't need me as a friend?
I don't know. Do I care?

Maybe.

And no matter what, I've tried my best to stitch the wounds together. Its rough, but I don't know if the wound will heal. Thats up to you to decide. I've used up all my efforts and I know I can't do anything anymore.
And wanna know something? I actually feel indifferent cause I know I got nothing to worry about. Sounds weird huh. But I have this sense that you will eventually come back to your sense regarding this. You aren't a mean person. You are a person who forgives and cherishes friendship. And you won't give this up easily. So I'm gonna give you all the space you need.
But it would have been great it if was during a time where I'm not bored. I need someone to talk to me and keep me entertained :/

Sigh a good book shall suffice then...

On a side note, I'm really really really looking forward to commencement dinner! Looking at all the guys in suits and stuff would be...cool.

3 blogposts on this friendship means I cherish it. Hope you realize that.

Family

I never had a best friend.
You were never my best friend because I regarded you as a sister.
I regarded you as my family.

Do you feel the same way?
Maybe sometimes when you have your family around for too long, you will grow tired of them, you will start becoming irritated with them. But you know what.
At the end of the day.
We are still family
And that won't change.

I hope you can realize that, and that is what you need the time for. That in your life I'm also someone you need.
I had new friends, I had new companions. I had a new life with new people and you were sad that I were leaving you, that I was becoming colder towards you.
But this time round its you who has found new friends, i guess.
Do you still remember the note you gave me on my birthday?
Telling me that you're always there for me? Telling me that I would always have you when I have problems.
I hope you dont forget that. When you have things on, you can count on me too.
I might be dotaing whole day, I might be neglecting you, but our friendship never changed.
I have never changed.

Your note that you gave me during my birthday is still in my wallet. Constantly reminding me of the people I can't lose in my life.
So is it time that you become the one abandoning me?

Time will tell.
Hope you still are the sister I love. And i'll always be your brother

Mixed

I don't have a single idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

What the fuck have I been doing recently.
Oh what cursed luck do I have to have such a fortune. But I guess.. its all my fault.
Stubborn, egotistical, rigid.
But you know what. I guess all of you aren't backing down either.
Thinking back, most of it was my fault, but was it all my fault?

Overreaction, it kills. I dont know what to say. A collision of the stubborn forces, a collision of those who don't wish to back down.
And you know what. I'm tired, really really really tired. What am I tired about? Being a stubborn prick who refuses to back down.
Yet I always hold this thread of hope that you all would back down first.
Would you all back down, please?
Please?
.... pretty please?

Recently I've been stingy, irritable, and a pain in the ass. But what else can I do.
My life isn't made easy.
It wasn't easy at all.
Day to day i'm troubled and irritated. Its times like this that sometimes I would rather just..
die.
Or go away to somewhere far away from all the bullshit this world has thrown at me.

I am tired.
I am tired of harming everyone.
And I feel like shit everytime I do it.
Say first, regret later.

Well you know what. I regret like shit. But I know everything had to go that way, and I won't change it.
2 very close friends.
one that I consider my best friend.
People i knew, hurt them more than it hurts me.
But I also know I am hurting alot.
Very much.

But how so now?
Tired of the reparations too.
Tired of the apologies
Tired of making it up and saying everything the appease the latter just because I can't afford to lose them
But I know if i don't ...
sigh.

I dont know what to do now.