Thoughts

I may not be sad.
I may not be unhappy. But it doesn't stop thoughts from swimming around in my head. These demonic spawn are constantly wriggling around in my mind causing mayhem where ever they go.

It's not the sadness of the past. Its not resignation of the future. It's the perplexing ideas of the present that I'm struggling to grasp and understand.
What is going on? I literally have no clue too (haha).
And the idea of not knowing what situation I'm currently in is killing me.

These thoughts don't make me sad. They kill my mood.
They don't destroy you. They numb you.
They don't make you feel dead. They stop you from living.
I am not sad. Not dead. Not destroyed. But I'm just numbed from everything that has happened, I guess.

Games are my escape now.
I'm not going to deny.
They aren't my joy or happiness anymore,. They aren't the source of adrenaline and pure satisfaction right now.
Playing them doesn't feel the same anymore. But I still play, still immerse myself into this virtual world to get my mind off things. Its not easy. Even when I'm playing games I'm pondering over the present and all the perplexities that has happened to me.

I have no drive.
No passion.
No love.
No happiness.

Anymore.

When can those thoughts go away?