Firstly, I finally understood what i was feeling and why did I feel that way.
Secondly, once i understood it was much easier to ignore these feelings and give 0 fks.
Basically I have nothing and no one to fault because if I were thrown in the exact same situation I would have likely to act in the same way because I'm just dumb as shit at this moment.
When I wake up tomorrow I'll probably just feel damn stupid and shit and everything will be out of my head forever cause once I look past stuff I guess I don't ever look back.
I finally understand why, I looked back last time now.
It was just an extension of my ego and my own allusion of self worth that I was chasing, not the friendship nor the person. It was the embodiment of my own achievement and my abilities that I was trying to validate that makes everything so skewered.
Which then again goes back to never trying to force a friendship I mean dammit I cant go around doing this kinda thing. When im obsessed with an idea I become a creep.
So in retrospect I should do some soul searching and learn how to remedy myself to not let this happen in the future.
Though I'm always distracted
by
different
targets
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